Fall Together - Comments

This actually made me cry, and I don't cry often when reading. But, gah. This one really got to me. The whole thing gave me shivers, because I would never imagine their relationship to go that overboard. I didn't think anyone could go that far without being so brief on everything. But you stayed true to details, and it was very vivid. And like I said for Sunrise, I love how you were able to incorporate songs, and blend it so well into the text. The ending moved me the most. It was twisted and upsetting, but you were able to take it that far without ruining the rest of the story. :D I wish I had some constructive criticism to give you, but I like your writing too much to have any. :cheese:

I think I might have to read all the stuff you have on here. :cute:

Wow! That was a really great story. I was so close to tears while reading this. It was so well written. You're such a talented writer! :D

So sad.... and so very good.

STORY/REVIEW GAME.
I like the summary, a lot. Simple, yet very amazing. I like how you wrote it out; it helps clue the reader in but not completely. Cons about it, is that you have a disclaimer in the summary. I hate it; it’s unoriginal and not needed in my opinion. The chapter title is the same as the story title. That always irks me to no end when a writer just uses the story title as the chapter title as well. Were you not creative enough to put something else? That’s how it makes me feel.

CHAPTER ONE.
I really like how you just delve right into the story; it’s very captivating. I like the brilliant imagery you use throughout it. The detail you supply is amazing, I like the visuals I receive as you explain the details and yet explain the story. My favorite part so far is the italics. It’s like an inner feeling she has or something.

Ex-Wife is what got me for a moment. I got confused. But I highly doubt you had them inseparable, I know for a fact that their not that way in real life. Right? [Excuse my stupidity].

I also like that you make Billie Joe’s guitar seem like another woman he could be having an affair with. The feelings he feels whenever he’s around fans and the guitar. And all of that just brings Adrienne self doubt and lack of optimism. Like she knows his love for performing is stronger then his love for her. That’s breaks my heart though. The emotions you pull throughout the story is very strong; as if you want the reader to feel what the characters are feeling. That’s very brilliant.

I like the lyrics/poetry you chose from Green Day/Billie Joe. As if that’s helping explain the story more. And each of the italic lines breaks my heart because it fits the story so very well.

Everything became a vibrant blur, leaving their marriage collapse under the weight of it all.
Can either be written in one or two different ways:
Everything became a vibrant blur, letting their marriage collapse under the weight of it all.
Or:
Everything became a vibrant blur, leaving their marriage to collapse under the weight of it all.

The ending of it all brought tears to my eyes. And throughout this story it sparks a sad memory in my mind. This was very well written and I couldn’t find any other cons for this story. I loved everything about it :cute:.

Whoa...That's just wow.
It's really one of those things that stay with you.

Billie and Adie are too prefect together.

=[ This was really good.

I loved the imagery... it was fantastic.

And the lyrics used were perfect. Not overkill... just perfect.

Adrienne is the only woman I will ever love.
The repetition of that sentence turned this story into something superb.
It had thus haunting effect on me.

Billie Joe stopped in the doorway, looked back once, just once, and with a mournful quiver asked the most simple, most truthful question of all. “Why, Adie?”

An escape from discontent.

The lyrics fit so well here.
Like Isa said, the lyrics here were great,
fit in with the story almost completely and
were everything but overkill on the story-line.

Emeralds caked with mud and alcohol. Adrienne would look and flinching, she would turn away. The man making headlines with Us Weekly was no one she knew. He wasn’t Billie Joe. He wasn’t her Billie Joe. What happened?

Is tragedy two thousand miles away?

AGAIN.
You put so much thoughts in this.
It isn't packed with imagery, but the images you
put here are so vivid and real. It feels like this could
actually happen.

It was thick with cocaine and shaken with uppers. It was pathetic, small; it was the final proof that her angel had fallen. And together, they cried into the morning.

Anything I say would be redundant, right?

The stain on the carpet spread as headlines flashed across entertainment news channels.

I love the subtle hint here,
anything more would be too much
and you know that.

Adrienne’s soul now desired, ached, needed nothing more than to join her husband’s. The man whose handwriting now filled up the screen, the words she’d known all along…

Adrienne is the only woman I will ever love.

I actually LOVE the ending.
LOVE.
Because it's realistic and everything but cliché.
It's filled with painful imagery that worked wonders here.

Gah, I can't even start telling you how sad this made me,
and that's good, because you made me feel, and only a good
writer can achieve that, not just with me, but with anyone.

holy crap! damn ur a good writer. fuking ace man!!!!

Ohman, Sruti.

You know I'm not an avid reader of GD, but you wrote this in such a way that it surpassed the boundaries of the pair and actually made itself apply to every person who seeks for more from their lover, who seems to have put something/someone else before them. Perfectly applicable.

The transition using lyrics was fantastic too. Not overkill, and set the reader into a mood, or whatever the line was implying.

I could tell you worked hard and put a lot of yourself into this, too. I love you. :hug: