July 23rd, 2010 at 05:53am
First one.
Okay. I liked your concept a lot.It was a very very sad story that ended up becoming happier.
There were typos and some of the sentences were worded a little weird, but that was overall very good.
I have to be honest though as it is a contest. It seemed fake to me, as if there wasn't quite enough there. He was sad, and then he was happy. It was a little bit strange because he was so depressed about the accident and the deaths of the two most important people, so much so he had not left the house or changed the girls room or entered his own. To change so suddenly b/c of a puddle is weak.
Still, the concept was excellent and, overall, I very much enjoyed reading your entry.
Great picture choice! I love the way you incorporated the picture with the story, it was a really great concept! The story was so heart aching and full of emotion! It was such a good a idea! Good luck in the contest =D