March 22nd, 2008 at 12:45am
This was written supposedly as an entry for the fictioners club.
Comments were disabled back then but now they aren't :shifty
They're greatly appreciated though <3
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Well, where do I start first.
Well, your conjuring browns spit it all out, like torn mouths spit the blood of ripped tongues and shredded lips. And I'm the acid burning it all away.
^That was what did it for me that line was just written so beautifully well, really the whole story was and that line just made the story for me.
I like how you had a question and answer thing going back and fourth between the character, like it was fighting within itself and the emotion was powerful I felt it and some parts my jaw would like literally drop. The foundation of the story was different and the sentence structure was written in a creative way giving off and dark and suspense feeling.
I also like how you said no names like and that's what made the story so good because it caught my attention right from the first lines. I want to know more. I wasn't confused on anything, but even though you said no names I'm guessing the character is a girl who was heart broken or someone had broken her heart, and the person is mad/sad.
The descriptions were flawless and it made the story more interesting to read. Overall good job.
I did this for the cult so please read As The City Lights Fade. I had to rewrite this three times and I'm still not sure about it, but you can read it. I trust your opinion.