June 16th, 2010 at 01:43am
Story Review Game
Layout Bright and appealing, easy to read. Pretty nice layout, and the banner is so pretty! :)
Story: I think the first line of a story is pretty important, and I really like yours.
"I tell her she looks like an angel under the dim streetlamps of the restaurant parking lot.
It's a great opener, and I love how he said the sweetest thing in a parking lot.
"The white ashes from her glowing cigarette drift to the ground like snowflakes."
The imagery in this line is beautiful. I adore how you compared the ashes to snowflakes.
Anya wipes the tears from her eyes, and I dab her cheeks with a napkin.
I think it's nice how at the beginning of the story, she seems real tough, but when recalling such events it can even break the toughest of people.
I liked how in the story she's the one one using dialogue. Edwards words are like his thoughts, and it sort of makes all her words more important. Which adds to her story, a heartbreaking one at that.
The fact that she saw Marylin Monroe when she thought she died I found to be pretty amazing. Out of all the people, she does seem like someone who would perfectly appear as an angel.
The concept, about the whole angel thing and heroine ordeal, was also very touching. It's kind of like hope, for all the drug users, you know?
Though, when Anya is telling her story, you don't need to put another quotation at the beginning of each paragraph. Just two around the entire dialogue. If you want to say something in between, then you stop and put another quotation.
Anya steps over to me and reaches for my hands. "I couldn't be happier, Edward."
I couldn't be either.
Beautiful ending.
I would say more, but I'm currently drained of words and emotion.