Snow and Ice - Comments

I freaking love this. And it's only been one part. Please post the next soon :)
I'm subbing :D

i love the way in which you make every sentence sound special.
when i'm home alone i like to read your stories aloud.

I actually really like this.
Aren't you going to continue?

It would make me very happy.

I have to admit, I thought the song would be Justin Timberlake too.
But I think it fit the story well.
I loved this story before I even read it. The title was just so... interesting? No, that's probably not the right word. But, I'll use it for lack of a better one.
And do I even need to mention how great the description was?
It sucked me in.

Not like anyone believes it, but nobody can change genetics except God and, trust me, I ain’t fucking God.
It's kinda like William is almost sticking up for himself. Trying to...prove himself? I don't know. Your stories put me at a loss for words.

“Buy you a drink?” It was barely a question. I shrugged. It was barely an answer.
Not sure. I just loved the line. It's like the question deserved the answer. So, it was given.

A restaurant full of baby-sitters packing guns and knives. My idea of a great first date.

Gabe was thrilled.
I could practically hear the sarcasm drip from your voice (or Ryan's in this case).

He sent flowers to my apartment the next day. I’ll admit it. I fell for it.
I like how that made Ryan fall for Gabe. How it made Ryan Mr. Big and Tough and Gabe Mr. "Aw I'm so Sweet, I'll buy you flowers". Then again, it seems as if Gabe's trying a little too hard. But that's okay. It's one of those sweet/corny things.

Ryan’s one guy nobody’s afraid of and everyone should be.
Ryan's like a....de-clawed tiger, or a fanged teddy bear (that pretty much makes no sense).
But he's off doing drugs and drinking and fucking and blowing peoples heads off (no comment). Then he's all sweet.

Gabe never should have fucked that kid. We would have been better off just keeping West.
I just loved the foreshadowing.
It's screaming "Yeah, something bad's gunna happen."

Anyway, I loved it (no duh).

^
Thank you.
I was trying to go for Alpha Dog [Gabe's turf] meets The Mob [Ryan's dad's turf].

Thanks for all the wonderful reviews, you guys.
They mean a lot.

From the minute I read the title of the story, I was intrigued. It's different..then some of your other stories. Not in a bad way. I just think it is...maybe it isn't...I don't know. :shifty But anyway, for it being slightly different (or so I think) you did a wonderful, wonderful job. I'm never disappointed with your stories. :file:

The tone of the story was perfect. I seriously kept thinking of a mob/drug dealer kind of setting, It seemed so real...continuous throughout the whole story. They acted the part, and the narration was dead on. It seemed almost like one of those mobster movies, only set in words, and with those certain celebrities as the characters.

Right in the beginning, the way you started out with the conversation between Pete and Gabe was great. It put the reader right in. You don't get overwhelmed with everything the characters are saying, and what's going on, it all flows and it keeps the reader interested and actually knowing what was going on. Pete seriously was totally..Mob-ish. And then you backed it up with Will's great narration, that just made the whole setting/feel of the story more real.

One thing I have to say is, I like how you didn't hold back with how...foul mouthed they are. Because...that's HOW they act. They don't give a shit what they say, or do, because they're high and mighty...and have a gun. It was another thing that just really added to the story; at least for me, anyway.

I have to point out some of my favorite parts:

“He’s got two other sons to carry on the last name shit. He loves the kid. Which also means, fuck the kid, but don’t fuck with the kid.”

Not like anyone believes it, but nobody can change genetics except God and, trust me, I ain’t fucking God.

Either, you wanted to shoot his brains out . . . or you wanted to fuck him through a mattress. I wanted to shoot his brains out. I actually put a gun to his head the first time I met him. He broke my nose. Fucking queer.

Will is, in most stories (that I've read, anyway) really shy and kind. But it's a nice change in this story, to see him as a tough ass guy who's not afraid to threaten someone with a gun.

He took Ryan on dates a few times a week, bought him shit, kissed him on the cheek, told him he loved him, called him ‘baby’ and ‘beautiful’ and something in Spanish that nobody knows what the fuck it meant.

When they fought, Gabe called Ryan a ‘cokewhore’. Ryan was usually too fucked up to respond with anything intelligible.

<3 Subscribing.

I like the tone.
I like how the story flows.
I particularly like William's narration.
I believe this will be an interesting read.

My favorite lines:

Now the tone had completely changed and the man barely kept from knocking over his beer as he turned his head, looking at the boy once again.

"....and wear a god damn rubber.”

It was barely a question. I shrugged. It was barely an answer.

I should have realized then. Or during the conversation at dinner.

Other than that, there’s not much good to say about the bastard.

I actually put a gun to his head the first time I met him. He broke my nose. Fucking queer.

Ryan’s one guy nobody’s afraid of and everyone should be.

Gabe never should have fucked that kid. We would have been better off just keeping West.

I love the way you write, it's truely amazing.
I like how you give just enough detail to keep you interested and show what's going, but not so much you get bored.
I love how you keep using the word "fuck" and it's many uses.
You're the first person i've ever read and Panic! or Cobra Starship fic by, and they're awesome.
So yeah, it's good and you're an amazing author.

xx

I wrote the story to the song used.
I like the classic elegance of the song. Makes me think of gentlemen gangsters.

i was expecting justin timberlake, but i liked this song way better

and i agree with the review. that line about fucking ryan but not fucking with him, probably my favorite line in this story. along with the line about ryan having a vacuum mouth.

and i would subscribe to this, but i can't remember my password to the email i used to make this account.

anyway, i really enjoyed reading it

First review.
From the Story/Review game.
I cut & pasted.

paradox. sceneager:

Snow and Ice

Well, that was utterly amazing.
Not that I expected anything else from you.

Before I do anything;
I really hope you weren't looking for critique.
Cause sorry, but I've got none. Nothing. Nada.
^_^;

Firstly;
I absolutely love the idea.
Every story has Ryan being a sweet, innocent little pretty boy.
Not only is he a whore, but he's a violent one. It's a fucking wonderful enterpretation that I wouldn't in my wildest dreams have imagined.

This is well done, it's interesting, and it's fucking different.

"Which also means, fuck the kid, but don’t fuck with the kid."
Loved that line. Don't know why, but it just seems to fit Pete perfectly.

Not sure if you're a fan of 'Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels' and.or 'Snatch', but this had a very similar feel to those.

I adore the constant clarification that Will is, in fact, not gay.

Also, the title. Clever puns make Mikey happy.

One thing that would normally annoy me is the jumpiness, but, again, it just adds to the feel.

I will probably come back and add more to this, and I'll leave a better review on the story.

But I got like four hours sleep, then worked, and it's now almost 1 am.

D: My head is imploding. Pretty sure I'm about to drop dead.

My new story Snow and Ice.
This is the first part. It's going to be a three-shot.
Lots of drugs, crime, violence.
[Snow and ice refer to cocaine and meth.]
Violence may get pretty gruesome. Not sure how gruesome.
Depends on what I can write with it.

Ryan shoots people in the head!

Happy reading!

xoxox
-Dru