May 31st, 2010 at 04:25am
First of all, I'd like to thank you for entering my contest that I'm hosting with my two friends.
This story was really good. You portrayed his somewhat innocence really well and the character pictures fit them perfectly. I'm surprised that it is your first original one shot ever. I like how you started off the story with the quote, but stuck it in the middle as well. The plot line was completely original, something that is rare on mibba these days since everyone is taking bits of other stories. There were next to know mistakes, something that I love and truly admire. I think the only mistake I caught was you put an 's' in two words that should have a 'z.' That's not big though, not worth penalizing. I have to say that you set the expectation bar high for this contest. I don't think there's anyway to make it better besides prolonging it a tiny bit so we can see what becomes of the two of them. However, that's just me being picky because I wanted to see what happens.
Amazing job, really. <3
First of all, I knew this was going to be good just because your other work is amazing.
Second of all, I want Tristan to be real, because I love him x3
And third of all...actually, I don't really have a third of all xD
Lili basically said it all :D
Awesome job <3