Wandering at Dawn - Comments

it's... beautiful.
it's so full of emotions..
i was captivated by the story itself.

Judging has begun! You picked your words carefully with care and consideration. You had me from the beginning. You care about your writing a lot. You also conveyed a nice flowing emotion throughout the piece. The music was magical. Overall, fantastic!

i loved it!
the descriptions were amazing,
i felt likt i was there wacthing this happen
the flashback to the day he lost annabelle was great
it looked real in my head like i had witnessed it!
cant wait for more!

I thought that the description was gorgeous, and you conveyed the emotions of the main character very well through his actions. The line about them beign runaways had a wistful feel to it, and somehow seemed ominous to the tragic end that was to come for the two of them. I wasn't too fond of the music note symbols surrounding the lyrics you used, nit-picky as that sounds, but the writing itself was beautiful. I loved how it ended with the main character on the ground, drawing peace from nothing but the ending of a song and lying on the ground, and how the reader is left to think about why exactly this felt so peaceful to the character.

wow

thats really awesome :D

your so talented

OH.MY.GOODNESS.
THAT WAS FREAKING AHMAZING(:
I LOOOVED IT!
You're such a good writer! The descriptions were AHMAZINNG!
I had chills in the beginning, and then almost cried at the end :)))

I think it's good. It goes along well with the poem. And then not... If I had just read the poem I would have figured someone had left, rather than died. But the feelings are similar. So yeah.
I like how you actually get quite a lot of detail about the main protagonist down, without actually saying "he looks like this and this". Well done.
There is one sentence that annoys me though - "Our little wanderer hesitantly moved..." - suddenly you have a very present narrator, and whereas that's not necessarily a bad thing, it's the only place in the story where that happens. And I think it is kind of a pity, because it breaks the story up a bit and distances the reader.
But that's just my opinion I guess XP

((And I was just going to leave a random short comment, to show you my signature. Yeah, right.))

o.O This was amazing! I loved it!