Beautiful Forever - Comments

I liked this, very much. I always love reading stories from the viewpoint of the insane, because they really don't think they're insane at all, which is just so amusing to me. I didn't catch any errors, which I can appreciate, and although a few of the sentences were a bit choppy, I felt that it was very fitting for this piece. Great work. (:

OMG!!! Lol... I love it!!! Is that it or.... are you writing more of it??? Btw, Your better at writing then me!!! lol

Hey! Sorry for the delay (: If you don't mind, I'd like to dectruct this sentence by sentence x]

”Forever and ever,” he whispered in my ear, his hot breath tickling my check and sending pleasant shivers down my spine.
^ Awesome beginning ;D

I believed him. Too bad he couldn't see that.
^ I'm getting a sort of that-bastard-cheated-on-me kind of vibe from this...

He promised me that he would always stay. I tried to test this. He lied. The proof was here right in front of my, crumpled on the floor.
^ First, my should be me. And oh boy O_O

Standing over his body now, I looked down at him.
^ OH GOD, SHE DIDN'T KILL HIM, DID SHE?! D:

Ice cold and without spirit, he was still the most gorgeous person I had ever seen. Even with blood spilling from the hole in his head, he was still utterly beautiful.
^ Okay, wow. Creepy as fuck, but whoa. This is awesome so far!

He took me breath away, even in death.
^ He sounds hawt. Can he take my breath away too?

I knelt next to him, my fingers frozen and stiff, though not as much as his, clutching helplessly at the fabric of his shirt. I needed him now, more then I had ever needed him before. But I had taken him away from myself, because he broke his promise.
^ Oh, wow. That's so sad D: Yet, it's so freakin' creepy - but in a good way, I assure you!

Or did he break his promise because I'd taken him away?
^ Revelation, much?

I would never know, but it was only fair.
^ I'm no love therapist, but if he did something that terrible to her, then yeah, she may have had a right to kill him o.O

I was going to fix it all. Fix everything.
^ Yet again, awesome revelation, sort of x]

One simple act would take it all back to normal, to how it was always supposed to be.
^ Oh, dear. I can see this won't end well...

I smiled and laid down next to him, arranging his arm so that it lay beneath my shoulders. I rested my head lightly on his chest.
^ Cute, yet creepy. Hug a corpse, not a tree!

It was amazing how fast he froze. Laying next to him, I was deeply upset by the fact that this hold he had on me did not feel the same as usual.
^ Once again, creepy but cute but sad.

And then I realised that I had caused this, too.
^ D:

I hummed softly as I brushed the thick hair back from his forehead. His eyes stared blankly up at me, dull and without shine. I smiled down at him, expecting him to return it.
^ Okay. Buzz kill. He still sounds majorly hot, even in death.

He did not.
^ D:

I grunted and, using my fingers, pushed his cheeks up so that his mouth somehow resembled a happy expression.
^ I'm trying to picture that face with his eyes wide open. Still looks creepy, still looks hot. x]

Much better.
^ Indeed, indeed...

At seeing him smile, my thoughts buzzed around happily. I leant down and placed a kiss on his hard, blue lips.
^ o.O

Now was the time to fix it all.
^ It's not going to end well, is it?! D:

I lined the small, delicate looking pistol up with my own head, and counted slowly to three.
^ NO! OMFG, WHY?! THAT'S SO DAMN CRUEL D:!!!!!!

Breathing deeply, on the exhale I spoke. “I love you. Forever and ever.” I pulled the trigger.
^ /dies

Okay. You have just sent my heart into overdrive. Omfg, that was so sad D: She could've been with him, but she killed and now she wants him back? Sounds like Romeo and Juliet to me, only with an awesome twist such as this. You did a lovely job!
Oh, and sorry about the book long comment x] I couldn't help it!
Good luck and thanks for entering <333