June 7th, 2010 at 11:00pm
Chapter 1- Technically speaking, it was a job well done. Yes there were a couple of mistakes in the spelling more so then the grammar of it. So next time maybe use a spell check online or something that will fix up the mistakes that were there.
On the creative side, I believe this is where you excelled in the story. I liked the introduction and how he was a fan of his. It made the story that much better. I think that it kept my attention and I was interested in what was going to happen so it was a great start. I think that the middle was also a strong component.I liked how he jumped him and how that progressed. The costume shopping I thought was cute detail and it added a nice comedic element. I enjoyed that. It was well thought out. Also I liked how they have another moment in the shop. When he asks him out I really liked it. The only downfall would be that I found the ending left me a little empty. I was hoping there would be more detail to a date or something but other than that awesome.
Chapter 2- Technical portion was better here I feel then the 1st chapter. Although once again there were a few mistakes in the spelling.
This is where the story just picked up and this chapter was my favorite of the two. In here the introduction once again held my attention. I felt bad when he had to leave to go on tour, my only thing was that the way you described him getting into the car; that seemed a little cold. I know it wasn't but I wish there was a little more of the emotional description. Don't get me wrong it was amazing I just feel that you should of gone a little deeper into the emotions that's all. The interview part was just amazing to be honest, his answer was beautiful and sweet. Also the prom when he just appeared there, I thought that was adorable! Also the use of the quote, that was fantastic. I think the quote was used beautifully. Oh and the response to the quote was honestly just fabulous. So amazing job there. The ending of the story was honestly super sweet and emotion packed. So great job!
Good Luck in the contest! =D
I adore this twoshot loads.
It's really sweet, and cute, and adorable, and it made me giggle tons(:
So there were a few spelling and grammatical errors, but that's alright.
It wasn't too distracting.
Anyways.
Also, one thing, I think that it should have been extended,
because it went by pretty quick.
I know it's challenging when it's got like one or two parts to it only,
but I know that you can do it. ;D
You've got loads of talent(:
Innywho.
Good job overall, and I wish you the best of luck!<3333
xo