Bittersweet - Comments

That was just beautiful. The words were laced together perfectly, her pain and anger were appropriate for the story. It was just so well-written. I absolutely loved it. :)

The layout of this was beautiful, and matched the theme of the story perfectly. I always get so happy when I see a lovely layout to go with a good oneshot. ;) I thoroughly enjoyed this, even though it was so short! D: I like how it was in first person point of view, because I don’t think it would have had the same impact in third person. I could really feel the bittersweet tone throughout the entire thing. I really like how you put so much meaning and the life of a relationship into such a simple thing – a mere coffee pot. It was really beautiful, and I especially loved the last three lines. They tied everything up perfectly. Nice job!

<3 Haven

The thing I noticed in this story was the tense changes. Like there was the past tense, then all of a sudden there would be present tense phrases. But I think it worked, for the sake of hindsight and what was happening then and there. I also liked the contrast of the coffee's at the beginning and end of the piece, it just also helped show that contrast between the two characters. I thought that was pretty decent. :) What was also pretty good about the piece was how you briefly mentioned when things started to go bad, not how. I think that helped keep that business-like theme consistent. I also just like how the whole piece is centred around a coffee pot. That's just lovely. :)

I like how the last line tied into the title. It made the light bulb go off for me. I totally picture Damien being this stuck up buisness man even though he wasn't much described in the story. Good Job. ( Drabble Swap Thread)

Wow.
That was really good. I could really feel her pain and disappointment. I also loved how at the end you repeated the phrase you used at the beginning.
Great job!

Wow, that was pretty good.
I liked that last line. That’s how I like my coffee: bittersweet.
Bittersweet is a good way to describe the whole drabble.

And I can connect with the girl too because my now-boyfriend's name is Damian, he is probably the exact opposite your character Damian though. He does everything on a whim.

I agree with walts. : Great job!

Oh my goodness, this is so beautiful. Short, but definitely bittersweet.

Your descriptions of the little things that make up the mood of a relationship were definitely really amazing. And how you used the coffee pot as a sign of their disintegrating relationship.. .that was amazing.

Great job!

I really loved this story. I liked that even though it was a break up story the girl wasn’t moping around, she was upset but more bummed then actually sad or depressed y’know? I loved how you incorporated the title into the last line and that you gave the idea of “bittersweet” more meaning than just how she liked her coffee, like maybe him leaving was bittersweet in some way – bitter because he left her but then sweet in the way that maybe he wasn’t right for her? I feel like this story had so many layers to it, I could go on and on. I liked how the coffee also had a deeper feel to it, how it marked the beginning and end of their relationship. This is a wonderful story.

Mmmmmmmmm Black coffee. No sugar. No cream. Just pure, unaltered greatness. XP

Sorry. I know this story is sad and that part was supposed to be a hint into his actions, but I loooooooove coffee. In fact, that's how I found this. I searched 'coffee'.

It was a great story though. The imagery you create was great and your description was why. This was a great story!

i agree with taylor momsen. it was so real it was a crystal clear movie playing in my head.
great job.

I know my critique won't be of much, but I have one word to say:
Brilliant.
Everything about it was enticing and I could see it, I could feel it.
Very well written.

Wow.
I really liked this.
It was well written and I could feel the emotion she felt as the story progressed.
Amazing.

Judging has begun! The subject matter is interesting. Nice descriptive sentences. The story seemed slightly underdeveloped, like there was no real climax. The story would have been made better if there was a little more background to their morning routine and a more drawn out downward spiral. I would like to see this story turned into something better. I have faith in you!

Review game.

I loved how your starting phrase was repeated at the end, and how it had a completely different meaning from when the reader starts reading. I also liked how the atmosphere changes. Though I knew what I was reading was a girl's thoughts on a break-up, I still felt the atmosphere change from the beginning when she recalls her boyfriend making her coffee, and how the words change meaning as she starts talking about how he stopped. I don't have anything to correct as far as grammar or spelling, everything was fine.

If you would want someone to give an opinion different to what you've written, I would have liked seeing a bit more emotion as she walked through the break up. Of course, the absence of emotions could have been intentional, making the reader create the conclusion themselves by the way you wrote. So even if you changed it or left it as it was, it would be completely fine. It was a nice read overall, don't have anything else to add because it was quite short =).

Wow.
I love this, I really do.
The emotion is so vividly described, you can feel her pain and anger and frustration. I love the fact that you gave the character real characteristics even though it was a short little oneshot. It was really refreshing, as some writers can't characterize a full story, let alone in a few paragraphs.
I really liked it, it was really well written. Good job.
(Also, the prompt came from my own relationship drama so I definitely get what you're describing, which is nice.)

It's really great! I love the changes you made, it's pretty much perfect, I think. :]

I really like reading this, too. As I said before you give your characters a lot of life, which is a challenge in such a short piece and it makes the nameless narrator very relatable. Like Abi said, you can really feel her pain and anger.

Wow.
I feel her slight pain and anger.
I really enjoyed this.
Really.