Smoke and Mirrors - Comments

wow.....that's breath-takingly amazing..

i wish i could write like that lol

Hey (:

I really like this, but i don't really understand whats going on? You're a really good writer and your description is really good, but yeah i dont understand what it about really

xx

I like it. But I have a few suggestions:

1. Try to focus on the plot more, and not describe every single detail. People don't need to know what exactly is in the room unless it's important to the plot. They can visualize the basics themselves. More of the plot with less description is much better and provides a window for people to look through and visualize the story.

2. You used a lot of adjectives- it kind of weighs down the story. Try using as simple language as possible. Or if it will help, imagine you're telling the story verbally. Would you talk that way? Probably not.

Other than that, great job! I really like it. You've got some talent in you XD