Okay, I love your ideas and creativity. However, something about this chapter lacks. In other words, add more to the chapters to make them constructive and advantageous to your plot. For instance, give us more background on the relationship between Jake and Alex. Extend your ideas before he goes to school so that we know more about the characters before you have to add it in the later chapters...which makes it sound like you forgot to mention something. Secondly, I'm only guessing at Jake's career. Expand on that because I'm only guessing that he is a book editor or a playwright - I'm not sure. Then there is grammar. You miss a lot of punctuation that makes it easier to read and understand. Mostly, I had to re-read the last section of the chapter because you didn't separate your sentences or descriptions of the three men. I know that grammar isn't easy because no one ever masters it...Anyways, I do love the plot and it has a lot of potential for a great story so try to go outside of your box to blow everyone's mind.
June 16th, 2010 at 08:18am