(Comment Swap) Don't like the title, but I'm not letting it getting in the way. The pink back ground feels too light, even though the test is readable. if the layout have relevance, it's going to be a sweet story. (Chapter19) "I saw it empty" is "I saw it was empty" or "I saw that it is empty" I could see a few other possible wordings as well. I like the choice of words, such good vocabulary, seems to go well with the story. I sense things had happened in the past, before htis chapterm, geting funny ideas, suspicions as to who it may have been, guessing it's becoming clear, before the story is at an end? These stupid(ignorant Youths. yet, it feels as something they'd say. Ending in half by half of a cliff-hanger, it'd appear?
The image, who are they, how does it relate to the story, or I missed in in other chapters? A hint of the teacher, and the student I just followed? Some teachers are young, and look the part *giggles*
Oh my god this was a hell of a ride! I definitely was not expecting for this story to turn out the way it did, and I love it! You had me on the edge of my seat the whole time. At first I had thought that it’d just be another teacher/student love story, but you proved me wrong. I never expected such a twisted web of distrust and such lively characters, not to mention the way that my emotions were manipulated – I mean, I had felt sorry for Tate and I wanted good things to happen to her, but at the same time I can’t help but feel a little like she got what she deserved, getting into that mess. Elias was just straight-up crazy though his backstory was super interesting, and his ties with Hunter were deep and it characterized them both really well. Not to mention the ending! I was left speechless by this whole story and I couldn’t stop reading it. You’ve done an excellent job with this story and although it was short, you managed to pack in so much suspense and feeling into it. I can’t wait for the sequel and I’m sure it’s as gripping as this one.
I love this...sooooooo goood! I'm actually kind of jealous. This is amazing! I definitely wasn't expecting the ending. Great story...I love love loveeee it:)
I felt like it was too fast. It was like bam bam boom; you know? I think there could have been more detail; and that would make the story better as well. (: It's a good plot, it just needs more. (:
This was, again, a brilliant story. I don't think I've ever seen this subject handled in this way, and I am really interested to find out more. I envy your writing style!!
Normally I hate reading stories that go way too fast, because many things seem to just happen out of the blue and get all cramped up, but I absolutely loved this one. It kept interested, confused and I could easily feel Tate's emotions. At some parts I didn't know what the hell was happening and it almost seemed like the build up to what happened in the first chapter was way off, but when it actually got there, it all fell into place. And then Caleb's point of view started and I noticed the difference fast, which is good, means you have a different way with this character. At chapter 024, when I read “This isn’t a movie, Ari.” I was actually waiting for Ari to answer with a: "Well, of course not this is a story" but I remembered this wasn't a comedy O.o Chapter 025 fit perfectly with the song I was listening to, A Little Piece of Heaven by Avenged Sevenfold, parts of the lyrics worked awesomely, the difference is, the woman came back to life and well, it ends as a love story so... but yeah. Elias' story was uhm, well, he's a monster indeed, but I think most of all, misunderstood, I believe.
The ending pissed me off, why is that? Because it's a cliffhanger XD Great ending, great story, great everything. This really pulled me in and it was well written and held the suspense, tension and everything. The emotions were clearly dripping from the written words. I feel so sorry for her mother, Ari shouldn't have lied, she could have well just said that she didn't really know. Yes, it would make her worry more, but give no false hope.
Uh, before I confuse you, I read your journal about your stories earlier and started reading. And well, once I started, I couldn't stop!! XD What I really like about it, (well actually, there was alot that I Liked about it!) was in the first chapter, I as a reader can already feel the dark vibe and the tension and anxiety, and you managed to really pull out that influence with your discriptive flow of words. Not alot of writers can stir or arouse an emotion out of their reader because it takes an awful lot of skills in story telling; EXCELLENT job!
also, I have to say this: THANK YOU for the proper spelling and grammar, and putting the effort into telling the story! You are very good at using the right amount of details at a good balance, and I certainly appreciated that. And the lack of errors made it easy for me to just follow the flow of the story,
It was an incredible story! Also, another thing: This was actually the first story I managed to finish reading here on Mibba. that just goes on to show that you kept my attention through the whole thing!!
I only read the first chapter, but I already think I'll love it. I can't believe you only have 2 pages of comments. I can't read on yet though. I'm writing right now and I think reading this story will make me forget all about that.
Jeez. What a great story. I'm so glad there is gonna be more, you had me freaking for a minute there. I love what you did with the end there, it was perfect. The way you set everything up it incredible. Everything falls into place in an eerie way, and its enthralling. Great update (^_^)b