July 29th, 2010 at 04:49am
OH MY GOD.I can't believe it. This piece is one of the best I've ever read in my entire life.
You grasp the whole concept so tightly, I couldn't breath until I was done with the whole thing.
From the first sentence, you drew me in like some sort of spell
Fiona's lanky legs, pale from a long winter, carry her down the cracked pavement. She carries a tale of sorrow and freedom deep within her heart, shielded from the strangers who honk and yell crude things towards her from their shiny machinery. I think this was the best part of it all. There's more, but I couldn't help but gasp at the details.
Excellent job. I am very proud :D
Okay this is my third try at judging this. Hopefully I can do it this time.
The Layout.
I like that it's simple. Nothing ridiculously fancy. It's got a foggy feel to it just like the picture, which I like. So kudos on that.
The Story
The way you wrote this was superb. It gave out this incredible feeling, much like that photo did. There was that whole suspenseful eerie feeling to it. Not like an action packed movie, if you get what I mean, more like your feeling for Fiona. By the way, I love that name. Very cute. I love how her last name sort of relates to her actions, walking miles alone. You know?
Very well done. There were a few spelling errors.
raindrops is one word.
legs never tiring, feet there should be an and before feet.