i've been reading this for a while and this is well my opinion. It is pretty straight forward, its got twists and turns, fully carfted charactors, but one fatal problem. the first chapter, again my opinion, is what i call a hook. it needs to be confusing maybe or fearful, action even. a good kind of hook is throught the end into the front, but shade up the charactors, no names.
for your book i would of had like crying and confusion. e.g
My palms squashed my nose up against my face, trapping the tears. 'They lied, this hole time they lied to me, why eould they even tell me, everything was fine, normal. but now, now its just, just, just so fucked up'
pardoned the swear, but swearing adds so much dramatic charactor to a person. i hope this helps you. oh and as you can see all my book pretty much start of like the, i have a new book i'll post, but only one chapter, this is too presious for mibba, it called The Afterlife Project staring Ghost, Spirit, Soul, Phatom and Banshee^^
It is pretty straight forward, its got twists and turns, fully carfted charactors, but one fatal problem. the first chapter, again my opinion, is what i call a hook. it needs to be confusing maybe or fearful, action even. a good kind of hook is throught the end into the front, but shade up the charactors, no names.
for your book i would of had like crying and confusion. e.g
My palms squashed my nose up against my face, trapping the tears. 'They lied, this hole time they lied to me, why eould they even tell me, everything was fine, normal. but now, now its just, just, just so fucked up'
pardoned the swear, but swearing adds so much dramatic charactor to a person.
i hope this helps you.
oh and as you can see all my book pretty much start of like the, i have a new book i'll post, but only one chapter, this is too presious for mibba, it called The Afterlife Project staring Ghost, Spirit, Soul, Phatom and Banshee^^