The Shadows' Child - Comments

I'm very picky about supernatural stories. They're usually cliche and nothing about them is any different than the next. Your's though is actually written well and seems like it has a solid plot going for it. You have really nice detail mixed in with it so I can imagine what I'm reading, which is a huge bonus. I'm excited to finish reading this, keep up the good writing :)

Truthfully, I'm kinda sick of vampire stories, but this one is well written. Your diction is nice, and I like the way you casually describe the characters. The summary was good, and the grammar was pretty much flawless.
I guess the only thing I don't like is the fact that it has vampires. And the plot, which seems like it would be predictable. But maybe you have your own twist. At least it's not about one of them falling in love with a human.

Okay I will be completely honest here, I came across this story on comment swap and when I realized it was about vampires I didn't want to read it. I used to love vampires but I got so sick of them that not even Angel is tolerable anymore. However, I do like how descriptive you are and the way you use adjectives to describe sensations like cold and warmth and textures... Kudos on that! Not being fond of vampires it's hard to fully enjoy a story about them but I take my hat off to your style.

*Chapter 4

*Chapter 4

Just finished reading chapter six and I love love love this story. It's got action and humor and you strike a perfect balance between the two. And the description is excellent! I'm subbing :) Sorry for swamping you with comments by the way :P

I like this, the plot is fantastic, it's really inventive and truly compelling. Your characterization is solid and I like you're writing style a lot. This is really good and it's got a lot of potential, well done!

I like this story a lot. Not many people can describe things anymore in stories, it seems. But you do it very well.

I'm going to subscribe to this and hopefully not be lazy and get around to reading it when it's updated.

I love this story. Period. Done. That’s it. I just love it. You’re very descriptive, and I love descriptive stories. You clearly have amazing potential. You’re an awesome writer, no doubt about it. I just, asdfghjkl… I LOVE IT. Keep up the good work. Subscribed. :)

This. is. amazing. Great descriptive techniques used. I could see the characters and the setting very clearly. I didn't notice any errors. Just keep up with the description because I absolutely adore it .

"leaving no trace behind them except the lingering smell of cigarette smoke." - this really captured the enigma of the story. Night was a like a theme in the first chapter rather than a moment of a day.

Hey, some food for thought while I was reading.

hanging there. [] Tristan... >> Looks like you're missing a space.

...nothing. [] "Damn it," he mumbled. >> Same as above.

A low laugh rang out of the shadows[.] "..."

There should be a space, a clear cut line between "pavement," and "The woman." You can get reported without the spaces.

...salute[.] "I..."

to his heart[.] "..."

...his lips[.] "..."

...white teeth[.] "Famished."

laid him on his back{}. []She felt it then... >> Period should be against back. Space between she and that period.

...looked up at him[.] "..."

...wolfish grin[.] "..."

I really like the descriptions you give in here - like the snow crunching under Ceara's boots, or the skyline as Tristan stands under the street light. That was phenomenal.

The only issue you had was with the dialogue, rather the description leading up to it.

For instance:
I kicked off my shoes, soaked from the rain. "It's so cold." >> Right
I kicked off my shoes, soaked from the rain, "It's so cold." >> Wrong

Other than that, there wasn't anything else to pick at.

The story has a great tone to it and you're writing in a flooded genre, but you manage to make it original and interesting to read.

Great job and happy writing!
xxx Bee

This is really amazing! The storyline is increbile, I dont think I could have came up with a story like this! Everything is extremely detailed, and the characters are dynamic. I Feel like this would be an amazing movie. You have a real talent, so please keep up the good work!

Wow you are very detailed! The character Tristan comes to life in very first paragraph. Lovely writing :) But on the third paragraph you write 'An low laugh rang out of the shadows' It should be 'A low laugh' But nothing to fret too much about all your other spelling and grammar seem s to be just fine. I really like this. I can tell in your writing how much of a passion you have for doing it! And you know it's good when you can see the writer's passion shining through in every sentence. Good job! I really enjoyed this :) Have the most wonderful day!

I really like this! Your writing is really easy to read and imagine... your description of when she first attacks the man, the anticipation is really good and full of imagery. Glad to see a more 'real' vampire story on here amongst all the Twilight stories (not that I can talk since I did give in to the hype and start to write one :P) I love your style of writing as well in general, its not conventional- which is how i like it :)
Excited to see where this goes ++ subscribing now
( Stuff like this makes me like this whole comment swap malarky ahaa)
<3

Whoops, I wasn't done commenting.
Yes! Finally a vampire story that isn't half baked and one that I can read like an actual book! I really like the way you write! Your descriptions, the characters' relationships with each other, flow together nicely. I am going to subscribe and recommend this story right now!

Whoops, I wasn't done commenting.
Yes! Finally a vampire story that isn't half baked and one that I can read like an actual book! I really like the way you write! Your descriptions, the characters' relationships with each other, flow together nicely. I am going to subscribe and recommend this story right now!

Yes! Finally a vampire story that isn't half baked and one that

I haven't been much of a vampire story fan lately, but I think you might have gotten me back into them. The way you write, the way th characters interact with one another, as well as the setting and cents themselves add the perfect touch of realism to something fantasy. Personally, I found it makes the story much more enjoyable to read.

I really don't have too much else to say right now, but I'm going to subscribe, can't wait to see what happens!

This is brilliant. I honestly try to avoid vampire stories because most that I have read were "inspired" by Twilight, and that's not really a story that I can tolerate - not to be bashing or anything.

So when I found out I had gotten a vampire story as my comment swap, I was kinda 'meh' about it but I promised myself that I'd read every story I got and give good comments.
All I have to say now is: Oh. My. God.
This is nothing like I was expecting it to be, and I'm in love with it.

I only have a few points of criticism which aren't anything particularly major.
Some of the dialogue mashes up weird - which I suggest you fix because it looks odd - and then sometimes, you forget your space. Quite literally, there sometimes isn't a space between a period where a sentence stopped and the beginning to a new sentence. It's a minor thing, obviously, but something I noticed. Easily fixed, though.

All in all, this story has so much potential and I can't wait to read more.

Very good, I like your writing style a lot. The description of Ceara thinking about blood in the first chapter was very realistic, I could picture it in my head. I havn't read any vampire fictions in a while, but this one was memorable. I love your characters as well. I hope you continue :)