Mine - Comments

It was very intresting. I love it.

I really liked the repetition in this, it’s something I like to use frequently in my writing and that I like to see show up in that of others. The banner was nice and the layout was sweet and simple, something that to me always makes the experience of reading a story a lot more pleasant. I like how this guy is so possessive over his girl (at least I assumed the narrator was a man) but he’s not made out to look like a creep. It seems like when ever a man in a story views a woman the way the one in yours did it seems like he’s got an obsession or is sexist or something along those lines but really, I see nothing wrong with it – I’m possessive over my girlfriend because she’s my girlfriend and I love her. [/end rand] Anyways, all I’m saying is that your take on a common enough subject matter was different and interesting.

Surely makes think of sex. Or like, a really loving/understanding relationship, which was probably what you were going the opposite for. My brain likes to make up weird scenarios, sorry.

It's nicely written, and the structure is pretty cool, though I thought the "mines" at the end of each sentance could've been a little less frequent.

Oh my god. This is just simply amazing.

You grasped the whole concept and took it to a new level; no dialogue, no details save for the simple thoughts going through this person's head. You never find out who they are, why they feel that way or who the person is, but it still manages to be incredibely powerful and mind blowing.

I think this is one of the best drabbles I've ever seen. There were no mistakes; well, not that I found, but then again, I could have been too caught up in it.

You're a very clever writer. And I disagree with the person above; I think the last sentence was even more powerful than the rest and just made the story that much more incredible.

Thank you so much for entering this! I'll let you know when the winners have been chosen!

The first paragraph I loved. The repetition of mine was lovely. And it flowed very nicely.

However the last two sentences just kind of turned it off for me . The random spurt of emotions didn't really flow well for me. And I had a hard time enjoying that last part. I feel like it could flow much better, and the emotions weren't necessary. At least, that's my opinion.

This is beautiful. You managed to capture so much in such little amount of words.
Quite talented, you.

... I think that this piece of writing... could not be better. I'd like to find something bad about it, so that this comment looks at least alittle bit constructive (coz seems like my comments always go like 'i love it' x.x can I help it when I love it?) but I dont see anything.
How to word this. When reading this, I feel like watching a good alternative movie, it could be compared to that feeling. It has depth, it says something more. For me. I really dont need more, what you wrote hits just the head of the nail. So well.
That first sentence, "Hidden behind the huge sunglasses and a mob of perfectly styled hair, you are mine." blows my brain / heart better said. And then you go on, andon and on with it. Every sentence, new mental image, new situation, and always that same emotion, the truth for the one who speaks, unchangable truth. You are mine.
So I searched and found out that your prompt was 'possession' and 'dance'. I did include that. I like how you included dance. Did I mention that thing with entwining arms with cigarette smoke? Wow <3 I can so imagine that.
Such a little piece of thing, and so beautiful. I know you dont need to hear this at all, it's a matter of my overemotional self and the fact that when I see/read/etc something beautiful I cant help it but either feel like choking or cry or both, but now I'm crying. But that's not importnat, what is is that with this piece of writing about emotion you were able to provoke emotion.
If this wont win then I really want to read the winner's drabble.
Jeez that was overemotional.