Shadows, Sails and Pirate Tales - Comments

Awesome I love it! I def get where you're coming from being in two different places trying to write a story!

dude you havent updated in forever if your not gonna update ever just delete the story so people like me dont get disapointed when they read your story and then find your probs not gonna update your story ever again. so seriously...update or delete your story! btw LOVE ITT ;)

OMFG! I'm in love with your story XD
Update soon please?!

love it! =)

I love this story, I hope you do decide to carry on after this story Dette and Jack are so good together! ^w^

UPDATE PLEASE!!!!!! XD

I've been subscribed to this for awhile and have failed to leave a comment, sooo...I enjoy this story! I really do, some parts are iffy for me but keep updating! I wanna know what happens, even though it's obv. :)

updatttteee!!!!!!!!

PLEEEEEEAAAAAAASE! update your story!!!!!!!

Oh My Gosh I LOVE this story!!!!!! Please, please, please, update soon!!!!!!!!!!

I LOVE THIS!!!!! Update soon !!!! =D

Story Review Game.

Title: The title just rolls right off my tongue. Very catchy and fun to say, and the fact that it has 'Pirate' in it is like a cherry on top of it all. I mean who doesn't love a Pirate tale?

Layout: Well it is obviously a fanfic on Pirates of the Caribbean, which is cool. I haven't seen many of them on here. The layout is okay, it's not great, but I mean it is definately easy to read, which is a definate plus. However, I would make it stand out a bit more. Not trying to offend, but it looks like it was just thrown together, rather than actually thought out.

The banner does look nice though, that one does look like effort was definately put into it, but it just doesn't suit the rest of the layout, so I would say make it a bit cleaner or fancy...I guess is what you could say. Presentation aside, I'm just glad the font is easy to read.

Summary: The summary is good, a little light on the story, yet keeps the questions about what will happen. Looking forward to see how this turns out, off to the first chapter.

Chapter 1: Okay so for chapter one...

First thing that caught my attention was how the paragraphs were clumped together like so:

Ten-year-old Bernadette Swann sat on the deck of the ship on which she was travelling with her father and older sister Elizabeth and picked at the edge of her dress as she listened to Elizabeth singing about pirates.
She looked up as Joshamee Gibbs passed her and placed his hand on Elizabeth's shoulder, causing her to jump. Bernadette giggled as her sister frowned at her.

Okay, when there is a new paragraph space them out otherwise it looks really messy, so that's the first thing that caught my attention and it seems that chapter one is like that all the way through.

I would definately say that the first chapter could use more description, since the first paragraph clumps are mostly dialogue and none of the characters are really described, they are just sort of put into it. Of course, I have only read part way through so that may change.

Most of the first chapter was very much like the movie and mostly dialogue, I would definately say it needs a tad bit more substence. It needs textures, emotions, imagery.

On to the second chapter...

Chapter 2: Alright so in chapter two...

This chapter didn't have that clumped paragraph issue, which made it so much easier to read and definately cleaner looking. So that's a definate plus.

She started as she heard a knock on her bedroom door. - Okay I don't get the beginning, what did she "start" exactly?

Once again this chapter is very related to the movie, which really takes away the element of originality. I'm not trying to be mean, but I just feel like I'm reading the script of the story with one new character rather than reading something new.

Also again, there wasn't much description at all about the characters. We don't know what they are wearing, the style of their hair, color of their skin. I mean I understand it's a fanfic and all, but it would definately put some meat one the bones of the story.

Nodding as the butler as he returned, Will noticed Bernadette. - This sentence doesn't make sense with the second 'as'. If you take out the 'as he' it will make sense.

At one point the dialogue became clumped together again, might want to space those out.
Also the dialogue is exactly like the movie with maybe like one word changed here and there...

The description on Jack was good, now all you really need to do is flesh out the rest of the chapter like you did there.

Overall: Okay well, after reading the firsty two chapters. It did make me want to watch the movies again, haha. But at the same time this story seems to lack some originality because it is mostly followed the first fifteen or minutes of the movie.

There definately needs to be more descriptions into the story, because like I said before it was like reading the script of the movie. I mean this isn't bad, by no means, but I really think that it does need some work.

I hope that I didn't come off rude in any of this, cause I really only intend to help you guys improve on your writing. So key points, break away from the original story and add more description to flesh out all the dialogue that you have.

Maybe you guys make it change after the first few chapters, but I don't know since I have stopped on Chapter Two. Anyways, good luck with writing this and I hope that you found this to be helpful.
=)

I love it!! Yes please continue the story after this one! and i dont really care to read about Jack and Elisabeth. and The Destroyer is right! Dette should escape and find Jack!! ^_^

Thankyou for the comments of support (:
We'll try and update as soon as possible!

I think Dette should escape somehow. And go to the island with Jack and Liz. Somehow. UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! please

you should continue on after this one!!! i want to read more about Dette and Jack together!!

LOVE THIS STORY!!!!!! PLEASE CONTINUE WRITING!!!

please continue on after this story! And I'd very much appreciate more Dette/Jack action please... UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! please

Comment virginity is mine!!!!!! Ok, we all know Will survives, but still. I like how you twist the story just in the slightest bit to accomodate your OC, Dette. UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! please