sorry about the [font] thing. ):
July 17th, 2010 at 04:00am
Story Review Thread:
I like how your layout matches your banner, but I don't really like the colors you used. I'm just not one for the color brown or an olive green.
They were never officially together, but somehow they were officially over. Your opening line was informative, but not too informative. I liked it because ideas of what the story might be about started racing through my head. The opening line intrigued me, which made me want to know what exactly it was refering to. If that makes any sense.
The dialogue was very good. I could feel the emotion through their words. It was descriptive enough for me to imagine the argument actually taking place right in front of me. The parts that weren't dialogue, I'm not sure what they would be called, maybe narrative or description, were also really well written. You balanced out the dialogue and narrative nicely.
A strangled sob escaped Emily, followed by another and another until her sobs were the only noise that filled the empty kitchen. Brendon had broken Emily’s heart more times than she could count and each time seemed to hurt worse than the last. This wasn’t the first time that Brendon had decided to leave because Emily was putting too much of her emotions on the table. And even though this had happened before, Emily never had any hope that Brendon would return. Every time he left, she believed it was for good. She didn’t ever expect him to return and make her promise to not let her emotions get in the way of what they shared.
All she could think of was about how much she loved Brendon. She loved him and he knew it. That’s why he would leave. And that’s why he would come back because he knew that she would take him back, no matter how they had ended things before.
But Brendon didn’t come back this time. And Emily wasn’t surprised.
The ending wasn't what I expected. The ending was completely unpredictable to me, this sort of ending never even crossed my mind. I loved that about it! I thought that Brendon and Emily were just a fling, but they're actually long time lovers without commitment or an actual relationship. I never expected that their "relationship" was a reoccuring one. The ending was great!
At first, I didn't give much thought to the title, but after I finished reading the story the title immediately clicked. The title fits the story and describes it perfectly. I didn't really know what to expect from the title, but after I read the story I was like, "Oh, duh! Why didn't I think of that?"
I also don't think I saw any mistakes in spelling or grammar. Good job.
I enjoyed reading this. I wish you good luck with the contest. (:
