His Love, Her Resentment - Comments

I thought Sophie was just hilarious, and the ending, so sweet and so, so ironic. I really loved this one-shot it was brilliant. Sophie is a great character.

Story Review Game

Summary/Banner/Layout:

I like the layout and the banner. It's simple, very modest. It relieves me to see a layout that won't have me seeing spots after reading. I think the banner is also very well done.

The summary is short, to the point. I think the summary is great because this is a oneshot so might as well get on with it. No dillydallying. It gets your point across to the reader, which is good.

Story:

He loved music more than he loved her.
This a good opening line to the story. Already, the reader is curious about what's going to happen. The reader is thinking of different plots, trying to figure out the situation. It's good to make your readers think.

While reading the second and third paragraph, I could feel Sophie's emotion. I could feel her jealousy, her resentment towards the guitar and his music. The description is nicely done. It's nicely written and not too overdone to be an overload of information.

During the dialogue of their breakup, I couldn't help, but side with Sophie. The way Jack made it seem like she was blowing things out of proportion just didn't encourage me to like him. The dialogue is smooth. It doesn't sound forced or like something that people wouldn't actually say. The breakup is believable, which is amazing because sometimes I read things that just seem too far-fetched and leave me thinking, really?

The last paragraph tore me apart! I immediately felt awful for not liking Jack at first. I felt crushed, which is what I imagine how Jack felt. I felt so horrible that Sophie left Jack because she thought he loved music more than her, but really he loved her so much that he was making music for her. The irony of it was just....WOW! Literally, it was wow.

His inspiration was gone.
The absolute last sentence was perfect. As the relationship comes to a close, so does the story of Sophie and Jack. It made me wish that things could have worked out between the two, but it was great none the less.

Overall, this was an amazing oneshot. You're good with descriptions and emotions. And I'm just a wee bit jealous of you for that. (:
I really liked this. I wish you luck in the contest. You're a good writer, keep it up. (:

I also loved this.
The emotions were amazing. And I could definitely feel every single one as I read through it.
I must say, that I agree with lecia;HEARTkiller, when she said this was amazing. Cause it was. :)

That was so heartbreaking. When I first started reading, I expected it to be a simple, typical break-up one-shot, or maybe for Sophie to finally vent her anger and for Jack to change his ways. But the actual ending was so much different, so perfectly sad and ironic. I really liked this. Very well-written. Excellent job.

Awe, I loved this.
I could feel all the emotions she felt.
It was just so strongly, and greatly written.
Wow, I totally got a lump in my throat at the end.
Overall, this was amazing.
I shall probably comment again next week after I get the rest of the entries.
Thanks again for joining! :D