My Little David - Comments

I really liked this story. I've never read a Taylor Swift fic in which she was a teen mother, but you guys have pulled it off well. I can't wait to see where this story goes =3

I read the whole thing, and I'm very proud of you as well. But maybe you could like... make a cooler layout? You know, something not old? I'll make one for you if you would like.
Anyways great story, it touched me. *grin*

Okay, for starters, I read the entire thing even though your comment swap journal said we could read just chapters of your chaptered story. Why did I read the entire thing? Because it was gripping and well written. Because I wanted to know the fate of the characters. I didn't find myself as attached to Taylor as much as I did Baby C. I really wanted to see things go well for her. And I wanted the bastard who raped her and Kasey to pay, which happened in the end and I was very glad. John was awful but I think maybe his relationship with Taylor could have been explored just a little bit more in depth and then possibly have had her more gradually develop her relationship with Mason (whom I adored, by the way). All in all though I really enjoyed it and would like to now read more from you. I wish I had gotten in on this earlier on so I could have left comments along with each posted chapter. Great job!

Story review game!

The title reflects what's to occur in the story fantastically. The layout, however, bothers me since I prefer centered/right aligned stories to left aligned, but that's just personal preference.

Some of the dialogue and description seems too sterile and almost rehearsed, like when Taylor first thought that she needed a shower in the first chapter. Coupled with the description previously in the chapter, it seems borderline boring.

For some reason, I pictured Taylor Swift in this, but I've got no clue why. Curly hair and blonde and Taylor just makes Taylor Swift come to mind, which isn't really a bad thing.

The opening sentence for the next chapter is awkward as well, almost as if it's missing a word. Her dedication to her son is adorable, and I loved that Austin really does act like something of a protective little brother. However, in the line “David needs a well and awake mom,” David smart assed her. “I will take care of him. Go back to bed.” shouldn't the second David be Austin?

I'm assuming that, in the first two chapters if the thoughts are just awkward like this, they'll probably be the same through the story. It's really just too sterile, so you might want to check through and reprhase it.

Coming into the third chapter, I notice something; you use the ` instead of '. Isn't ` an accent, not an apostrophe? Reading this, I think I get why I saw this person as Taylor Swift; since she's signing autographs, she probably is.

The other character, John, is bizarre. How is he getting away with taking a baby from her, and leaving her bawling, and absolutely NO ONE is stepping up? I know for a fact that wouldn't happen that way; someone would get a bit ballsy, for lack of a better word, and argue what he's doing?

The third chapter was so full of cliche's and awkwardness and just weirdly phrased things, it confused me completely. I mean, I understood what happened, but I didn't understand why you had things play out that way. Wouldn't Taylor be out with a bodyguard, anyways, if I'm correct in my assumption about her being famous? Wouldn't she call the cops?

Taylor hardly seems to know Mason, so the story's falling a bit into clicheness with that. None of the dialogue or the descroption has particularly stuck out to me so far, but it's a cute little plot. The sudden introduction of Kasey and Baby C (wouldn't they have a name?) is a bit weird, especially since we hardly know anything about any of the characters.

I'd suggest going through and developing the characters a bit more; I'd love to know why Taylor got with John, how they met, what kind of a person Taylor is... Even if she's based off of Taylor Swift, you can't assume everyone knows who she is and how she acts. I'd also love to know about Mason a bit more, and why John's parents are the way he is.

With a bit of work, this could be a very cute, interesting story ;3

This is a really good story. I feel like I'm reading about my life right now, except I'd be Mason instead of her.

I only read chapter one so far.
But I think it's great. I can feel the loving conection between Taylor and David.
The summary isn't too good though. It just doesn't seem to describe a little bit of the story at all.
But I can't wait to keep reading.

I think it's pretty good, but the description could use a little work.
Your plot seems like it'll be interesting.

I agree with the comment above; it's interesting, has a great plot and you do write well :)

I do have to say that when John was beating her in the mall, an abusive boyfriend more than likely would never do something like that in public, and a mallcop would have come by then.

But anyhow it's great :)

This is very interesting.
Your plot is obviously just beginning, but you write incredibly well.
Although your descriptions could use some work, everything else is brilliant.

Amazing job. I love it. <3

I've only read a little bit, however, I liked how you captured the motherly nature. :]
I'm interested to see the story plays out.

I'm going crazy to find out what happens next. Hopefully, John isn't there.

I like it. I want to know what happens to Taylor. :)