Paradise Lost - Comments

I'm so addicted to this story. Its written well enough that I don't care about the rating on it. I'm usually a lerker but I'm hoping that by commenting, I somehow encourage you to write more.

jake gyllenhaal is my love and the two of you are incredible at portraying him. can't wait till these two get hot and heavy.

I seriously love the way this story is written. Seriously. The characters are amazing and the writing style just makes me want more.

sorry, typos, *i like that he's NOT a shallow, horny teenage boy
i didn't mean to say "now", i meant "not", lol

Jesus, I have waited SO LONG for this update!
Sorry, not complaining, just trying to explain the anxiety I've had to suffer when I thought that you might not be updating ti anymore :b
Anyway, this update was SO WORTH THE WAIT! Honestly, it was beautiful!
I really REALLY like how you make Jake so philosophical and cynical. I like that he's now a shallow, horny teenage boy. I like that he's not stereotypical. I like that he has a brain and thoughts of his own. I really really REALLY love the way you guys write him! And I like how cheeky he is too, like at the end of chapter eight when he steals her drink and then gets all cheeky about telling her that he doesn't want to have a drunker conversation with her. Really, that's so perfect!
Love this story! Keep up with it, please. I understand that university gets time consuming (trust, me, i know) but whatever free time you have, utilize it....WRITE! c:

The end of this chapter was just beautiful.
You've taken fan-fiction and managed to manipulate it into something much more than that, with deeper thoughts that actually make sense. (Although I'm not sure if I worded that to make sense...)
I was stunned, to be honest. :]

I'm really loving this story!

I love the way Gemma has like two sides. It is quite original and I love where this is going. I will subscribe to this and I cannot wait for an update.

Oh hello Jake Gyllenhaal. I never got round to reading this but I'm glad I have, it's different to other stories I've read and I love how well I can relate to Gemma's character.
I like how the story is set out, starting of in the present day and then reflecting on the good times, it's a nice way to write a story and I love how well you guys have established this here.
At first I got confused because I thought that one author was Gemma while the other was Jake but then it clicked and it's a wonder to read.
I love this :)

Chapter One

Clearly, he didn’t understand that we had moved past the Stone Age by now.
Haha, this story has got me smiling already. (:

Summer was always the best time of year, though I hadn’t really earned the best of reputations in the past year we had spent at the Lake House.
You use "year" twice here, so it sounds kinda off.
Maybe change the second one to "twelve months" instead.

In it, there was what barely sufficed for a shower. Also, cramped in was a small sink with an even smaller mirror, and a ridiculously large toilet.
I love how you describe the bathroom, ahaha. It's very easily relatable. xD

It wasn’t as bad as I had thought, but I couldn’t get over that malignant feeling of fish flavored water; so to cover it up, I took the liberty of covering myself with my mother’s perfume. Luckily, she had a taste rather differing from that of the toxic musk my grandmother would wear.
Great description here!

The Lake House was the hangout. The only rich idiot in this place owned it, and somehow their son managed to have parties every night for the teenagers who had hit puberty. We were supplied with every way to get the perfect hangover, as well as the perfect way to unknowingly get laid. But luckily the taste of alcohol disgusted me.
I love how this gives me a good look into the story, but I honestly didn't expect it to be the ending of a chapter.
It just sort of... drops off, you know? No suspense or anything.
It's like, instead of a cliffhanger, I've already fallen off the cliff and don't really want to continue climing/reading. xD

Even so, I really like this so far. I can tell you have talent with characters and making things believable.
And though I definitely don't think is your best work, I enjoyed it.

Here's some statistics: (The higher the percent, the better I thought each thing was.)

Clarity: 98%
Believability: 99%
Characterization: 98%
Description: 93%
Dialog: 85%
Emotional Engagement: 90%
Grammar/Spelling: 100%
Imagery: 85%
Intellectual Engagement: 85%
Pacing: 95%
Plot: 90%
Readability: 97%

<3

I quite like this. I'm guessing it's a bit fanfic-y but in all honesty I can't tell.

There's a wonderful sense of realism and strength from the little things in like from this which really makes me smile. Particularly about the clouds and the bubbles and all the little things that people do. It's not over-dramatic, it's just very sweet.

The narrative style is interesting because it feels very established and very...how you say, proper. Not formal but it's very coherent and considering it's a joint story, that is a good thing.

Kudos.

Umm, hi. I'm a little embarrassed to leave a comment on this story because I'm really new to the site and I kind of don't really know what the proper protocol is for commenting. But umm, I was looking at the "pimpin and reccin" thread and this story was up there and the excerpt you had up there REALLY drew me in. This is the first story I've read on this website and I LOVE it!
You two really write beautifully together. Illusion writes descriptive imagery that I feel I could be reading in a legitimate novel! And silktea, you're writing is very witty and it makes me laugh and I always want to keep reading but your chapters end SO FAST! Does Illusion make you write less than her intentionally?
Both of your guys' chapters are so short though. I hope that you guys start writing more chapters as long as the last one Illusion wrote.
Anyway, this story is amazing, and I love it, and if it's a reflection of all of the writing on this website then I'm sure I'll love Mibba!!!!

This is amazing.
The story is perfect, the layout is beautiful, and you both write together so very well.
<3

You two did a good job. (:
I love it; the layout, the banner (gorgeous), the idea, Jake, everything.
<3
Keep it up you two<3(:

This story is great! :)
I love how you put everything together.
Keep up the awesome work!
-Ana<3

Okay, first of all, the layout is absolutely amazing! It's easy to read and has the most beautiful color scheme, like, ever.

Now onwards to the story... The fact that it's about Jake just makes me squee really loudly. (I've never read a Gyllenhaal fic before; maybe that's why!) The prologue was absolutely flawless. I've never been to New York, but the picture those descriptions painted in my mind... It was like I was actually there. The story also seems very interesting. I like how we're suddenly hurtled into the past out of nowhere. Both of the authors have really great writing styles, and, instead of clashing like some others, everything just fits perfectly.

I'm definitely subbing. <3

The descriptions were written very well, and the story was very captivating!
Great story so far!

Dood, there's a reason why I call you the yoda of banners, it's amazing.

Anyways, like everyone else, I love it. The way the descriptions flow so nicely paint such a vivd picture in my head, and I find it also really mysterious.
HOW WILL IT ALL UNRAVEL?
WE HAVE NO IDA.

And stuff.

Anyways, you guys are amazing. :D

it's cool how you all have similar writing styles, and it seems like just the one person has written all of the chapters, which is quite cool. having a prologue with a mystery man was great, makes people want to read to find out who it is. very descriptive too.

I'm not a big fan of Jake, but I really like this story.
The first chapter was awesome, I loved it.
Everything was described so flawlessly, amazing.
I love the layout too. It's gorgeous.
Very, very nice. :D

I'm going to sound like a broken record here when I say that this is so intriguing. Everyone says that, right? Especially about Jake, lol! He is such a cutie. I love his personality <3
The prologue was awesome. Plain and simple. I can't wait to read more of this :D
Yup, you guessed it - I'm subbing xD <3