August 1st, 2010 at 05:48pm
Story Review Game:
I’ve never even clicked into this story before, so I figured that this would be the best one to review. And just because I like you, I’m going to review all four chapters - at least, that’s my intent. I do have a two hour limit.
First off, the layout is win. And the banner is gorgeous. I quite literally bow down to your banner skills. You’re like a ninja with photoshop… or whatever it is that you use.
Oh… I just realized that this is a co-write. Well, since you claimed it, I’ll review your chapters. I’ll still comment on the others, but I’ll get deeper into yours. Sounds good. And break!
Prologue:
The descriptions were flawless. I’ve got a clearly painted image of the room and the area in my head, which is always awesome. From the author’s note, I know that this is going to be the tale of our main character and her romance with Jake. I actually really love it when the first chapter is present time and the remaining chapters go back to tell the story of how they got there. I mean, I understand that it gives away the ending, but there’s still so much anticipation to see what happens and how they get through the trials together.
Chapter One:
Clearly, he didn’t understand that we had moved past the Stone Age by now.
- Sarcasm. I love it.
From the beginning few paragraphs, I can’t help but wonder how in the name of God, Jake and our main character get together. I don’t have any inkling right now, so it’s always good that you keep your readers guessing and trying to figure out what happens next.
You went through the motions of first arriving in the town very nicely. Just the right amount of home mixed with a dash of sarcasm. You can tell that our main character likes the place, but at the same time resents it for whatever reason.
Also, you two already seem to know exactly who your character is. You’re developing her wonderfully.
Chapter Two:
"Jackie," I chided playfully, "We all know the party doesn't start without me."
- It seems to me like Gemma is a very complex and many-sided character. In the first chapter I felt like I had a pretty good idea about what kind of girl she was. But reading through this chapter and the way that she interacts with Jackie, shows us a different side of her.
Chapter Three:
A lot of times, Jackie asked me what exactly I was afraid of, and I could never give her the answer.
- I really love how many sided Gemma is. Like I said before, it never seems like the readers know her completely. Which will make her falling in love and letting a guy get to know her all the more interesting/
It was always tough getting back in the body of Summer Gemma.
- I keep saying this but I actually am really starting to like Gemma. There are just so many sides to her! I find it intriguing that she has a Summer Gemma. How she puts on a confident front yet she’s so insecure that she has to create this demeanour for herself. There’s something so fragile and innocent about that.
Overall, I think you both have done amazing so far. And I have to admit, I love the fact that we’re four chapters in and there’s not even a hint of Jake. I think that some writers rely too much on their famous characters that they forget about the plot and just jump into the action. I like that you guys are taking the time to flesh out your plot and your characters as well.
Amazing, amazing job.
Well first plus, it is about Jake and I really do love him. So I found that very intriguing.
The banner is nice and the layout is simple, yet effective in making it beautiful.
The description of the Prologue is definately awesome. It's very vivid and exact, I guess you could say. When I started reading though, I will not lie, I was not hooked...The writing is great and all, but I'm not big on opening that hard heavy in description...it was just never really my thing.
Either way though I did read it through. This is illusion's chapter, correct? Well you are definately talented in painting pictures with words, because the part where you described New York just blew me away, it was like a moving painting in my mind and that's when I found myself reading more.
Three words to describe the prologue: Beautiful. Flawless. Charming.