Footprints. - Comments

I don't often read much on Mibba but I came across this and it is pretty much the kind of writing I just absolutely adore. The words literally melt together as you read it and gah! The heartbreak, and the hurt and the hint of anger is so perfectly portrayed in a way that I'm not sure many other writers could manage. It's a short piece but that's what makes it so good. (I'm a huge fan of drabbles, especially ones such as this.) The first paragraph completely gripped me and the entire line about the breastplate is amazing - like others have said, you can actually almost feel it happening to you.

The imagery you get from the descriptions and the words you use are all perfect and it just flows together wonderfully, never giving you time to stop and think and just letting you devour every moment of it - like you're experiencing it all yourself. I have to say my favourite line is, "If I'm smiling tomorrow, it's a fucking miracle, but it's a porcelain grin and it's easily broken" because it's just so realistic and something about the use of the words 'porcelain' and ‘fucking’ make the imagery so much more vivid. I dislike it when people just throw swear words into their writing just for the sake of it, but I think here it just emphasises everything that bit more. Also, the end with them not wanting the 'pity to jump down' was really good because when someone hurts you, a lot of the time you don’t want their pity, it’s almost an insult and I think this comes across. (How I read it anyway!) But that’s also what I love about this – the fact that anybody who reads it can interpret it for what they want, and that is a really good talent to have because it makes it have the ability to be completely personal to the reader. At least, I love that anyway!

Sorry if this is awfully rambly but I couldn't read it and not respond in some way! You have a seriously lovely style of writing and I'm definitely going to check out some more stuff. I know this was written a while ago but hopefully you won't mind. :)

I'll preface this by saying that you've always been one of my favorite writers on Mibba, I mean it. And after returning from a six-month self-imposed exile from Mibba, I was very curious to see what you've been writing.

I love this. love love love. In spite of how short this is, or perhaps because it's so short, you've managed to create a powerful and tightly woven portrait of heartbreak. You have such an effortlessly elegant style to your writing; each sentence flows naturally with the next. One standout line:

Mud is splattered over my heart from where you left your footprint, all dainty and neat with the heel cracking through my breastplate. Did you mean to stamp there, or was it just a careless kick as I passed by you on your high horse?

Just the way you take that high horse metaphor and turned it into literal action is incredible. It made my chest hurt for a moment. It's beautiful, especially the stark contrast of the words "dainty and neat" with "cracking" and "stamp".

Hmm. I realize this was written in July. So I guess this comment is five months late, whatever!

The first thing I noticed was the layout; it's gorgeous, really. It pulls the reader in right away.I liked the length of it, it was utterly perfect as it was. It was a complete story, a complete telling of a relationship in so few words. There's an intense sort of bitterness surrounding the characters, a twisted love triangle where no one really comes out on top. The language is beautiful, especially when spoken; I read it aloud to myself and it just flowed from my tongue. You are a masterful storyteller.

I noticed a mistake in the second line of the first paragraph; you said 'fuggy' when I assume you meant 'foggy'. I admit, I giggled over this a little. Otherwise, this was a lovely story, truly. I quite enjoyed it.

I didn't even realize that this was posted because I remembered this being posted on the 'Rate The Story' thread and I loved it so much. Everything about it was fantastic, the descriptions that imagery and everything else was just wonderful. The whole piece of work was just so heartbreaking and brutal and honest, everything that a story of its kind should be. The layout was so pretty and simple and, oh God, everything was just perfect

Oiy, this is beautiful.
Truly heartbreaking though.
I'm curious, was the main character a boy or a girl?
UGh, either way, I totally enjoyed this it was quite great.

Oh, Sam. I saw this over on RTSG and reading this made my heart break. This feels like something I shouldn't have read, so personal to the author that it almost seems like a sin to be read it as an outsider.

It kills me inside thinking you feel that way. The whole piece just felt so honest and real, it makes me want to cry. And written with such a bittersweet beauty. You're always so good at that. D':

As far as the piece goes, I love the metaphor of the footprint on the narrator's heart - it works so well in this situation and you really flesh it out and give it life. And the layout is absolutely gorgeous, as always.

I love all your writing, but mostly I love you. <333

That was really sweet.
I honestly loved it.
The layout is beautiful, and so is the banner.
I didn't spot any spelling errors, which is rather nice.
Very, very, good job.