Inside of You - Comments

holy chiz! u should totally keep writing this!

i'm a new reader,
and i want you to fucking update NOW.
They are so cute/hot/sexy together (:
Can you put more sext time between them?
Since they always get bloody interrupted /:
Love this story! and UPDATE SOOOOOON

Oooooh, i absolutely adored those that two updates!! They were great. You two are doing a mighty fine job now!! I feel special about that little shoutout. Thanks!! Glad to have helped even just a little!! Woo! :D keep it up girlies!

Oooooh, i absolutely adored those that two updates!! They were great. You two are doing a mighty fine job now!! I feel special about that little shoutout. Thanks!! Glad to have helped even just a little!! Woo! :D keep it up girlies!

Haha we'll take it into consideration. We need something exciting and we really like other people's opinion's.
I'm not totally sure how far we should take John's and Devin's "relationship".
And thank you for commenting dear it really makes my day.
Makaela

Haha we'll take it into consideration. We need something exciting and we really like other people's opinion's.
I'm not totally sure how far we should take John's and Devin's "relationship".
And thank you for commenting dear it really makes my day.
Makaela

wow, that was just like BOOM! lol
I like how this is going. And I seem kinda like a weirdo, cause i'm the only one commenting..
But I just had a random thought about one of the guys from Asking Alexandria seducing John, and the Devin being all awkward & jealous and whatnot for the rest of the tour.. Yeah, i don't know where that came from. But keep up the great job girlies!! I'm loving the story so far.
Can't wait for your next updates!!! :DD

Oooh, it's getting good now. I wonder how their tour is gonna go.
Loved the updates, keep it up.

Well I must say this is a good story. All it's really missing is the detail in each chapter to make it even better to understand. And some of the spelling & grammar mistakes are a bit distracting. I can already see both of your improvements from the other comments. Other than that this is a fine story, I like it. :D

wellhayythurr :)
I really like this story.
Like A LOT.
But i have one comment. When starting a new chapter, if the POV switches from what it was previously, could you say whos POV it is? I mean, it isn't a big thing, it's something that can be figured out easily, but I was just thinking maybe. You don't have to if you don't want to, I'm just saying....
Anyway! Enough of my psycho babble.... I can't wait for your next update ^.^ you two are doing a FANTASTIC job :D

I wasn't offended at all. I'm just easily discouraged but the advice actually helped so thank you Dear :D

I'm only in the tenth grade. I didn't mean anything mean by it. I was reading it, and she asked for help, so I tried to help. Sorry if I offended you.

It's a good story though, and the third chapter was a lot easier to read thanks to the paragraphs(kudos!). Keep up the good work :]

Thankyou for the advice! please keep reading and commenting, we could use all the advice we can get :D

I'm sorry but my friend and I are co-writing our *first* story and we only happen to be in the 9th grade and we haven't take very mean grammar classes yet, but I will try harder for it to be grammatically correct.

Hi there :] I do believe I can help you here. Your story line is good, from what I've seen of it. A lot of people are into music and bands(if you can't tell by all the musician fanfiction), so I think you have a really good idea for a successful story. But you have the same problems that I had when I first started writing stories. Thankfully, someone cared enough to give me some really constructive criticism. I am going to be that person for you! :D(Am I the only one excited here??...)

First of all, paragraphs are an incredibly significant part of writing. So make them! Your story is just one big block of words, and it's intimidating. Make each paragraph a different idea. Like, in the intro of your first chapter, that would be a paragraph, and then John saying he's going to sleep would be a good start to a second paragraph. And indenting is a really nice touch. It makes it pretty :]

Punctuation is key, and you miss a lot of really crucial points where punctuation is needed. Add periods where periods are due, and commas where commas belong. Not everyone is as uptight about punctuation as I am(it's not my fault! I just went through a year of grammar class. They practically burned punctuation into my skin!) but if you look at the really successful stories, they all have good punctuation and grammar. It just makes the entire story easier to read and more enjoyable.

Also, take your time with writing. It seems as if you're rushing through it, and you're breezing through things that could really use some more time and detail. Like when John went to sleep, you could have added in details about him drifting and then finally being taken away by the sweet embrace of slumber, or something poetic and pretty like that. Because when you miss important details like that, it makes the story confusing, and when I read it I thought he had just laid down and Kennedy was telling him to get up because she didn't want him to sleep or something. So, take your time and enjoy the actual writing process.

Overtime, all of this will come to you, and you won't even have to think about it. You'll just do it. But if you want to progress as I writer, you need to start making yourself do it.

I'm sorry if I've offended you. I really, really didn't mean to be offensive at all. I just hate to see a story with no comments, because I know how it feels to be that author that no one comments on. And I know how satisfying it is to see yourself grow as a writer. And I really want that for you(the two of you? This is a joint story, right?). I hope I helped, and I hope you aren't mad. I can't wait to see this story progress, and I'll be looking for chapter three! :]

-xkrisxkrypticx