Dear Diary, - Comments

How cute!
Good luck to you.

I appreciate the original idea :) You chose an interesting way of telling the story. Reading a journal is what a lot of people wouldnt refuse - or at least to take a short look at the content. So reading a story written in a diary form is exciting. It lets you see what the other person THINKS, and that is always attractive read. I also like that you didnt write just one diary, you let both characters write their one which offered a nice space for confrontation and plot development.

However, I gotta agree with the above mentioned opinion that it's not exactly how I imagine a diary to be written.... Well, everyone may have his/her own way, of course. I'm not taking that from either of the characters. It at least demonstrated their age without actually stating it, which is a good thing if writer manages to give such information just through style, not having to state it.

What I didn't like about this story is that it was soooo cliche.

You had some typos and mistakes there, missing words... some of it was maybe on purpose, some of it seemed out of place.
But I liked how you used different styles of writing, italics, striked out words, underlined words - that's totally something that belongs into a diary entry :)

Keep writing and good luck in the contest!

sorry, I accidentally clicked out of the comment.

Okay, so I really liked the picture that you chose to use for your layout. It was really cute, especially how the two stick figures are both boys. I also liked the simple black background, as it didn't complicate things.

Now, even though your layout was simple and easy on the eyes, the story content was not. I don't understand why you would chose to switch back and forth between font colors. You could have just left everything black, and had one P.O.V in bold font and one in italics, like it said in the summary. To me, the font color change was obnoxious and not needed at all.

You used way too many dashes (these little things: - ) within your entry. I wished you would have used commas or semi colons to differentiate between the beginning and ending of thoughts. Thne numerous dashes made me feel like I was hearing the thoughts of a hyperactive child, not a teenage boy in love. At times it seemed a little angsty and rant-filled, although I understand that the pressure of unrequited love was getting to both December and Ash.

Another element I found confusing was the whole John idea. I don't see why December would make up a fictional boyfriend in order to make Ash jealous. To me, that idea was a little silly and unrealistic. I do see how it was a catalyst for the two boys to eventually end up together though, but I think the story would connect more with the audience if you had worked out a different situation to bring them together.

I did like how you wrote form both point of views, although it would have been more pleasing to the eye if you had formatted the story differently. You definitely worked hard at conveying your secret within the entry, and the reader can definitely see how Ash and December are in love with one another.

I also didn't like how you would make some words randomly bigger than others in the middle of your sentences. I think it would have been better to just make those words bold, rather than make it seem like December/Ash is screaming at the reader. I found that bothersome.

All in all,
I can tell that you took your secret seriously, and worked hard to convey it within your entry.
Thank you for submitting your entry so early into the contest.
Good luck. (:

Okay, so I really liked the picture that you chose to use for your layout. It was really cute, especially how the two stick figures are both boys. I also liked the simple black background, as it didn't complicate things.

Now, even though your layout was simple and easy on the eyes, the story content was not. I don't understand why you would chose to switch back and forth between font colors. You could have just left everything black, and had one P.O.V

So, firstly I'd like to thank you for entering our contest and getting your entry in on time. I was so surprised to see that we already have a few entries in so early in the contest.

Your layout was simple and I absolutely loved the banner. I found it to be completely adorable and I love how you used that picture.

Anyway, your idea was definitely original. I liked how you used journal entries from two different people, though I think you could have gone about it in a cleaner way or maybe even have had a long entry from only one of the character's POV telling the entire story so that the other's thoughts could remain a mystery. See, the fonts switching shades and between bold and italics was just hard on the eyes. If you had to separate it, just separate them with a few lines, you don't need anything more then that.

Also, your grammar could use a tiny bit of work. You used way to many dashes ( - ) in your entry. You could have so easily used comma's or put a period at the end and started a new sentence. You normally only use those if you're interrupting a thought. It was just... too much. I had to take mental breath's when reading your entry.

It seemed a bit repetitive at times as well, also a bit rambly. I've never kept a journal besides when I was little, but that's not really how I imagine a journal entry to be.

However, I commend you for taking your secret and basically having it from both points of views. You doubled what we asked you to do.

Thank you for entering. (: