Losing You - Comments

Don't lose hope Mary! D:
<3

I really love this. It's powerful yet not overpowering to the reader. It's detailed yet not so much so where all I can focus on is unwraveling the pretty ribbon to see the gift inside. It's thick and yet it just works. :)

I could really feel the gravitiy of every thing as I read and I feel like I honeslty walked away with a smidgeon of this forever engraved in my heart. The never lose hope at the end was a nice touch. :) I think my heart was about to break, however, when I read the line that went something like this: but what is there to fight for, when there's nothing left That's not an exact quote, aha. I paraphrased. :)

This really was a lovely little shortie. Hard hitting with tangible emotio and amazing detail. It was perfect. :D I should read more of your works.<3

I hope that this Mary is in a hospital, getting the right treatment because gawsh, does she sound depressed. Powerful stuff, as obviously stated before me, and wonderfully written. Again, you already know how much a fan I've become of your [perfectly lengthed] descriptions.

The memories that you had her think and rewind to are really touching, because its those kinds of memories that we'll remember, even after it's all gone. It's all about the little things, ain't it? You did a marvelous job at this, anyhow, and I know that writing should certainly be a career option for you; because you'll succeed in every way possible.

*I understand that lengthed isn't really a word but meh...

This was kind of creepy. I think creepy stories are common on mibba, though. Nonetheless, I liked it. Not my favorite piece by you, but the emotions were shown nicely, and it captured the idea well. Her talking to herself really proved the craziness.

Intense, and very powerful!
I love the wording, everything!
I noticed one typo in the last paragraph, but no mistakes otherwise!
It fit the picture extremely well!
Amazing story!

I really liked your idea. I have seen so many people go through something like this and you did a really good job of explaining it. The only bad thing that I noticed was when you were repeating the subject to make it clear I think that it could be done a little better. So instead of saying a name over again you could describe them.

Like: "Clara looked at the girl in the mirror, as she stared into the dark eyes of the whisp of her old self, she wondered what would hapen."

Rather than: "Clara looked at the girl in the mirror, as she stared into her dark eyes Clara wondered what would hapen."

Hope I was clear, not very good at critiqueing people's writing. :/ I really like it over all though! :D

I'm back so I can continue with the swap xD
This was really good.
You're so good at writing one shots and potrating emotions so well!
This was so good and very descriptive.
I got a clear picture in my head of what was going on.
Well done :)

I. Loved. This. I think it deserves a massive prize!

God you are so talented.
I've never read any of your works and now a certainly want to.
You're amazing, such a powerful and proffesional sounding author.
I am envious.
The banner is fantasic too.
Great, great job on this - I hope you win your contest.

This was intense, dude. I like it.

"and Mary could feel herself breaking apart at the though"
I think "though" should be "thought" here.

I love how you set it around comparisons between past and present; the old Mary and new Mary.

But yeah. It was great! I also love how you kinda left the end hanging.
It was full of hope and love and pain and sickness. Lots of wonderful emotion!

<3

This was so powerful. Really.

I love the image of her old self as a completely separate entity. It makes it all the more moving. And I love that at the end, that separate entity becomes one with her. The message of hope becomes so much more strong because of that. It leaves you with the feeling that, "Yeah. It's shitty right now. But, she's still there. She'll be okay."

I loved it. Very good.