My Personal Neverland - Comments

The saying in writing is "less is more" when it comes to word usage, and I think you found the perfect balance in this piece. This is not the type of writing one would describe as "flowery," and that's why it's great. You don't need a whole slew of adjectives, because you found the perfect word- "magic". And this story doesn't rely on visual imagery so much as it does feeling and emotion, and as a reader, that makes a big impact on me. Most people have ridden a ferris wheel before- we know what things look like and we don't want a story to tell us that, but your grasp and magnification of the feeling of riding is interesting, and it's exactly what a reader wants.

I've never been on a ferris wheel before, but reading this, I feel as if I have. You've described the emotions so well, included all the details on how you felt while at the top or looking at it from the bottom, and I can picture the scenery below as you gaze from the top. I like how you mentioned how it doesn't sound like the safest thing in the world when you think about it, but it doesn't matter, because it just gives you a feeling like you've never had before. The comparisons to Neverland and Peter Pan were brilliant, and I loved the bittersweet feel that the story had at the ending, how you didn't ignore the truth - that the high doesn't last forever, it has to end.

I like the layout. :) I also like how you started, but
Its height so great that I was forced to tilt my head as far back as possible just to gawk at its entirety. – There's something off about this sentence.
The whole story was actually pretty good, and I really like the title and how significant it is. I like the magical feeling here, but I also like the reality aspect that the feeling disappears when you get on the ground. I thought this was really personal to the narrator. I feel like the “magical moments” could have been described a little more, to include the readers into her world. But even without doing that, this is still quite good. Good job.

I really liked it.

Firstly, the pictures are beautiful. Really captures the feel of the story, and the colours are just stunning.

Secondly, it's amazing. I really liked how all the emotions and feelings were conveyed. Like, you could just tell how much ferris wheels mean to that person.

Also, I loved how each little paragraph ended with 'it's magic'. Gave it that something more, can't describe it. Another way of showing you just what it means to them.

And the idea of impossible being removed, I liked that.

Well done, really liked it.

Ah, ferris wheels. The embodiment of carnivals in every little kid's mind, that and cotton candy. How this narrator feels when they ride this is exactly how I felt the last time I rode one; it's just the best feeling in the world. I'm terrified of heights, but I absolutely love looking out over the whole scenery that the height of a ferris wheel gives you.

That the narrator relates the magic of a ferris wheel to Peter Pan makes me grin; the top of the ferris wheel is their place to relive memories and forget everything bad for just a little while, and to me, that's what Neverland is. It's a place where you can revert back to the safest point and age of your life and just constantly relive it and never get tired of it, and that's just what the narrator does.

Absolutely fantastic.

"When I first laid eyes on it, I knew it was something extraordinary. I was just a kid, barely six years old, but I could tell there was something special about the big wheel. Its height so great that I was forced to tilt my head as far back as possible just to gawk at its entirety. Other than its vastness, it wasn’t very menacing."
This is a very lovely start! I like how you jump right into the story, instead of explaining things in a borning/cliche way.

The wheel rotated at a considerably slow speed, if I had to guess, I’d say at about five miles per hour.
I would take out the part about "five miles per hour." I don't know... it just doesn't seem to fit.
And that isn't incredibly slow, anyways.

"One ride and I was hooked. The moment at the top of the Ferris wheel is what did me in. Those brief minutes when I feel completely at peace. The world stops spinning, time freezes indefinitely, there’s nothing, nothing but the Ferris wheel and me. It’s magic."
Wow! Beautiful emoton here, I love how different this story is. I feel like I'm there, I can picture it all, and it really is magic.

"Seated in the old, rickety booth is when I feel the safest. Ignorant of the fact that the only thing suspending me in the air is a bit of rusty iron, I feel more secure than I’ve ever felt in my life."
The contradiction of this is portayed wonderfull. I am really enjoying how you're setting this story up so far.

"Perched at the highest point of the ride, I love to stare down into the sea of lights and movement. I pretend I’m a bird in flight. I have the best view of everything, a bird’s eye view. Everything looks infinitely smaller, which gives me the chance to feel significant."
This gives so much amazing imagery! I'm stunned. This is probably my favorite paragraph out of the entire story.

"At the top of the Ferris wheel, in my reserved seat, I return to my youth. I’m stuck in time, never aging past my childhood, forever remaining the young age of six. The innocence of a child floods over me, seeping in through my pores, overshadowing all the bad I’ve acquired over the years. I’ve become a kid all over again, like clockwork. It’s magic."
The emotion... just, oh my goodness. This is just amazingly beautiful.

"The instant my foot touches back down to Earth, I do as well. ‘Impossible’ returns to the dictionary, right under its noun definition of ‘impossibility’. The pressures of the world swarm me and I’m thrown back into reality. No magic."
By now, I feel as if I'm getting off the ride as well.
I enjoy how you make your character in this so unique but yet so easily relatable.

"I can’t fathom exactly how I feel when experiencing my moment on the Ferris wheel. I don’t know if any amount of words could ever describe the importance a Ferris wheel holds for me. In comparison, a Ferris wheel is my equivalent to Neverland. I can remain a kid, never facing the fears of adulthood, yet never experiencing the privileges that come with being an adult. My own personal Neverland at the top of the Ferris wheel. The only glitch is that I always come back grown up. I leave, but the magic stays on the Ferris wheel, waiting for my next visit."
This is the PERFECT ending. I really loved this story, definitely one of my favorite one-shots.
You did such a wonderful job with everything in it, I have absolutely no critiques at all.

It's amazing. <3

The emotion was beautiful in this, my God I realy don't know what else to say about it. I thought the writing style you used worked well in first person and present tense. I felt for the character because at six everything always looks big to us and something like that, I could understand. That kid is a part of all of us inside.

The only negative thing I noticed was the layout. It is beautiful, no doubt, but hard to read maybe in the story content make the background all white. :)

Oh my goodness, first comment?!? Really?! Yay!

The layout is beautiful, I love the effect it has on the whole emotion and feeling of your story :)
I know I've already said this, but I really do love the repetition when you use the words "it's magic" and then the way you flawlessly juxtapose that with "no magic". That really was beautifully done and really brought your story together seamlessly :)
Good job with the prompt and with portraying emotions and thoughts. I really felt like I was up there at the top of that ferris wheel, just an innocent little child once more, seeing all the wonder of the world.
Good luck! <3