The Illusion of Separation - Comments

Love it. But why did Carter call Hannah, Molly?

I like how emotions have to be put aside to deal with the aftermath that comes with a loved one dying. The planning of the wake, the funeral, what to do with possessions, talking to family. That's something everyone has to deal with. The world doesn't stop because someone died. I hardly see that part included in fiction. Someone dies and usually the next scene is the funeral. None of the planning involved so it was refreshing to see the characters have to think about that.

You might want to read this chapter over. There's a name mistake in there I feel responsible for XD

I like that you described how he died. You didn't just brush over it like oh he got hit by a car. No, his ribs broke, puncturing organs, causing internal bleeding. The image of coughing of blood. It wasn't gory though. Maybe other people thought it was gory, but I didn't think so. I felt like it was more sad to think of him dying all alone on the road in the middle of the night, but I kept picturing him going peacefully. Not crying, not trying to scream for help. I just pictured him taking it like it is. That's something I get out of Chris. If he were to die, he'd just die. He wouldn't fight it.

Stop saying you're gonna fix that summary and do it ;)

I think her reaction of laughing it off so much is unrealistic. Think about if you read in the newspaper that your younger brother was killed. If he wasn't there with you, your heart would start racing, you'd panic. You'd be worried and you'd believe it because that's someone you love deeply. We don't think that jokes about our loved ones dying are jokes. They genuinely scare us. I think she'd be more anxious, trying to get over there as fast as she can to see if he is alright. She wouldn't waste time thinking this was a joke. If she was so connected to him, this would scare her.

Carter's actually more of a dirty blonde. FYI. :D

Oh, are you going to borrow Molly for this story? XD Wouldn't that be wild. I think the other thing is Chris' limited sense of his surroundings and reality. Or maybe a subtle hint at our clothing talk with the way Carter's closet has thrown up on him. That's justified though. My mother doesn't even get dressed when Gramps goes to the hospital. She goes in her shorts and whatever top she can find that doesn't show her cleavage and he's not even dead yet. Wow, that sounds so insensitive to my grandfather. The way he just threw together whatever to wear shows his grief though instead of just saying he was in pain. I loved that bit.

Savannah, you have to let people know that I'm not insane, that picture is real. Chris was going to lick him. He probably did after that picture was taken.

'Scuse me for the late comment. (:

I'm not that big with Christofer Drew, but I definitely found the summary to be interesting. I mean . . . It says he dies, right? Not that I want him to die. No. But there's always something intriguing and yet heartbreaking that comes along with the death of a character. :/

Since they were picking on Christofer, I wonder if they have something to do with his death.

Because I'm curious, I have to read on. (:
<3

Somehow, somewhere, I have a feeling that Stella's dad was the one that killed Chris. He dies and he still makes her do chores; what a bastard.

I meant, this fan-fic wasn't really my type. I don't really like fan-fics all that much.

I meant, this fan-fic wasn't really my type. I don't really like fan-fics all that much.

Okay, when I started reading this, I didn't know who on earth Christopher Drew Ingle was. So. I googled him. And I think I have found one of the most adorable boys in the universe!!!!!!!!!!

However, I am sorry, this story isn't really my type. I am into the fan-fics sometimes and I am kinda blind, so I like the easy to read stories. Sorry, that is just an opinion...

This is lovely. It just has a sweetness to it, which probably comes from Christopher Drew haha. The layouts great by the way, great job with this c:

Sorry it took so long to return the comment. I got sucked up in reading, aha. :)

Some parts made my face go redder than a cherry, but others were so sweet they were like chocolates. :) Isn't that a yummy combination, teehee.<3 Chocolate Cherries. : )

Anywho, the fact that I read two chapters without a pause should tell you that this is amazing and I love it. :) It didn't? Well, I should elborate then. :D

I agree with Stella that some parts could be re-worded.

Other than that little inkling of sticking, this was flawless. All the detail was lovely, the layout was gorgeous, and the girl you chose just looks like someone whom would end up with him. : ) Another thing I really liked was how completely opposites the mother and father were. It just seems interesting? Yes, that's it. (:

Fabulous Job.<3 :)

Yeah get to work on that summary ;)

You might want to rephrase some of the sentences in the first paragraph. Syntax wise, they could make more sense.

I'm not sure who does that. Find words in the dictionary. It's like a quirky indie romance movie thing to do. A movie involving Michael Cera of course and then you look at it and wonder who really does something like that because after sex is less magical in the real world and more "I need a shower."

It's interesting that you chose not to change her name. I guess because I know that we associate things with know with words, smells, and sounds so it's like why you wouldn't name your baby Amanda if Amanda was that girl that made fun of you all throughout school. You just have that connection to the name. I don't believe I could ever sleep with someone named Noel because of my brother, but I could be friends with a Noel no problem. I think that adds a little something to their relationship. Like it's that friendship that's just a little more than that. The best friend type of married couple if you will. The fact they can joke about his sister Hannah adds to the relationship if any of that made sense at all.

I like the story and where it's going so keep it up!

Hmm, I'm not too keen on the summary. It's in first person so that should be her reality. She wouldn't know that in this reality Chris gets famous and he goes off, leaving Joplin behind. It sounds like she's addressing the other stories out there so it feels awkward. Maybe a third person summary saying what the story is and isn't would make more sense.

There's gonna be Carter in this story. New favourite! I love me some Carter Hulsey like woah :D

I'm glad that this story acknowledges she has parents. That's something really lacking in a lot of stories out there. Parents play a big role in teens' lives whether they like it or not, so I'm really glad to see that her dad does have an important part in this story, even if it's not the best role.

I love that you acknowledge Chris wasn't really popular in school. I read fics where everyone loves him and that wasn't the case. Chris was the oddball, but he never stood up for himself. He's too passive for that, but it did bother the crap out of him. It still bothers him years later so I'm so glad you put that in there that he did get picked on.

I'll definitely be looking forward to seeing where this goes.

Wow.
This was really good for a first chapter, not too much but not too little either.
I really do like it. It is a bit of a schock to me however, as I do not read Christopher Drew fan-fictions, as they are all... blah, like any other shit fan fiction, getting me?
But this one is different, and the first chapter got me interested and craving for more.
So, I am going to ask you one thing;

More?