Bullet and a Target - Comments

I love this! its very simple yet powerful, and it feel real,it does seem like pete would think like this.

(Bleh, sorry for being late today! ROTC is whipping me into gear, and I've been asleep as soon as four rolls around XD)

The thought process is simple, yet it works. Sometimes it doens't take millions of flowery words and complete, complex sentences to get a point across effectively. How Pete lists off his disorders, then tells that it was simply one of his bad days is great. I'd imagine someone with those sort of things really wouldn't want to talk about what exactly a bad day was and give examples from their past, and I think if you had it would've messed with how the chapter reads.

When someone tells you that it's just due on a day, that pisses me off too. I don't get the point- tell me the date, and I'm fine, but just tell me a day and chances are it won't be done because I won't know when it's supposed to be done, so I can definitely relate to Pete here. The listing of his consequences gives us a little more insight to what his parents are like, and the results of how they punish him.

The sudden point of view change confused me the first time I read it. You probably could've put these into two chapters, maybe making a note in the Author's note or the description of the chapter to let you know that it's going to be Bones next.

God, I've been so excited to read in her point of view! Readers know hardly anything about her aside from what Pete's told us, and I've been dying to see how her mind works.

I love how Pete and Bones both look to the moon. It reminds me of something between me and my best friend; one night, I just mentioned that she should look at it and know that me and her are looking at the exact same thing, that we're weren't as far apart in that moment then we'd been our entire lives.

I'm curious if Chris and Bones are related. I'd guess that they are, seeing as Chris came at the same time as her and seems to live with her or something.

I can't stress to you how much I love Bones already. Her and Pete are sofuckingsimilar, it's insane, and neither of them really know it. How Chris bends to Bones just because she's Bones is awesome, since it shows that she has a very strong, intimidating presence, or perhaps I'm reading into it too much and Chris knows she'll do what she wants anyways.

Wonderful update ;D You've got SO much going for this story :3

Eff yeah, another chapter! /thrilled

Once again, you didn't dissapoint with Pete's mind. I was thinking about it after I left my last comment, and I started to think about how Pete's mind for of reminds me of a roller coaster ride with different tracks. It goes from one train of thought to the next, even though they ay be two completely opposite htings, with a flick of a switch. You're one of the few authors I've read who can pull off using a load of fragments and simple sentences without making the story seem ridiculously choppy.

I like how Pete seems defensive of Bones in his mind and knows so much about her, even though I'm doubting Bones even knows who he is.

The simplicity (and complexity, I suppose) of this story is something that always gets me. You can get so many points across in a few words, just like how Pete can with lyrics, and it's interesting to read. Makes you think a lot.

Absolutely wonderful :3

I love Pete! This has great potential. I can't wait for more.

Post soon ;)

Another chapter that nabs Pete's mind perfectly! It may be hard to write like that for you, but it truly pays off since it really puts the reader in his shoes.

His thoughts about her nickname rambles a bit, but it works since he presents a variety of reasons on why she might be called that. Pete seems to be a bit of an official on Chris and Bones, knowing that Chris is the only person who was trustworthy when it came to Bones and that Pete knows about Bones' dancing and intelligence.

I love how Pete thinks about Chris, catching the little details about him and knowing how Bones and him are quite close. It just draws the reader in more and more, and it makes me a hell of a lot more excited for the next update :3

Pete really is quiet confusing, and you captured that very well. I almost thought I was hearing the introduction to a movie, if I'm going to be honest. The descriptions you use flow so nicely, showing that she's got a sort of intelligence most people just don't understand. Math and English are great strong points to have, since most people struggle with math and such. It's nice to read about someone who actually likes it, y'know?

Including that everyone refused to acknowledge pulls you in even more. Then switching gears so smoothly to dancing worked nicely, and I love how Pete's a secretstalker there. Quite adorable, if you ask me.

The last line, She was Bones is perfection. I can't even explain why I like it so much. Maybe it's the power of the simplicity of it? How well it works with the previous lines? I couldn't say. It's just wonderfully perfect.

Very nice job- I'm gonna have to watch this story.

Hmm.. Sounds interesting. I wanna know how this is gonna go!