Lucky - Comments

To each their own.
I found this story through the contest it was written for. I read the second place winner (which I rather liked) and then moved on to the first place only to realise I had already read that. And, not to be mean to anyone, but I didn't find that particularily special.

This, however. If I had been hosting the contest, out of the total four entries I've read from it so far, this would have been my winner.

I find it incredibly sweet. I like the twist with Mikey forgetting what he has been doing and I like the depth in Gabe - I wonder why he sleeps all the time (I'm thinking eating disorder), why he is so shy and so forth.

Another thing I really liked was when Mikey told Gabe not to call him Mr. Way. In a way that was very self-entered; whoever said Gabe wanted to be anything but the assistant of Mr. Way. Really, Mikey is assuming that he will get involved on a (more) personal level and it is kind of rude.
But it works. It works becuase if he is this big, big star, it makes sense that he expects to get his will. And then he can go on and on about how he just wants to be normal.

Yeah. That little thing was what made me decide to write a comment at all. It got awfully long.
Hope you don't mind? ^^;

Really grate story. I really enjoied it.

Wooh. Sorry this took so long; sex pollen fics are addicting.

So, I’ll be writing this as I read, okay?

Not really about the story, but I like your layout. As you can tell, Mikey Way makes me…bfhddjeroutierhfojdsocjdknc905utroerjdiuhwd8u0uerjydwfkewggew
all the time, but that picture has always driven me crazy… and I don’t know why…

Introduction

Honestly? I don’t have words for how much I love it.

I’ll hear people talking about how they would like to be famous, but I always consider the fact that not only do they not get to make some simple decisions for themselves (actors especially), but the fact that they can’t have many relationships, romantic or otherwise, because their old friends either shy away from the fame or try to take advantage of it, and with new people, you couldn’t really trust that they aren’t just using you.

I feel that the way you touched on this was beautiful, and that this line:
Two hours until I had to go out and face the world as Mikey Way, the luckiest man alive.
I love that line. So much. <3

Chapter One

It was a drama about something. I never really knew anymore. I just went and did my job. Hahaha.

Gabe does have high cheekbones. I’ve always noticed, I’ve just never seen it written, especially not in a story. So. Good job XD

“ In my head you’re an aquaintance who just happens to help me at work.”
Hahahaha. One thing, it should be “acquaintance”

For a tall New Yorker, Gabe sure was quite self doubting and skittish almost. Did my presence shake the man that hard?
I really like that line.

Aw, Gabe is so self-conscious.

I like how Monica referred to Gerard as “the boyfriend”. That’s how I would do it XD

Pfft! And what is wrong with Vegas weddings? Jeez. J

SLEEPY GABE!

my head reached do you mean “my hand”?

Dude, if I were going to meet/work for Mikey Way, I wouldn’t have slept the night before either.

Aw, Mikey’s such a sweetheart.

“ Yes and now I’m inviting you over to mine so” it should be “my place” or something, instead of just “mine”.

“we can leave for mine” same.

“So why you come to Cali?” I think you mean “why did you”.

Aw! Cute!

Chapter Two

I like the way you told us what happened after Chapter One ended, it seems realistic that Mikey would say, out loud, his memories of the previous night. I would.

I also like that Mikey talks to himself a lot. I do XD

Aww! It’s a High School crush for Mikey all over again!

I love that Gabe spoke a bit of Spanish. Whenever I write Gabe, I always pepper in a bit of Spanish. It’s how he talks.

Poor Gabe L
He’s so sad that Mikey didn’t remember.

I like how even though Gage technically is talking to Mikey, the last sentence is more he talking to himself.

Door trouble, ftw.

We spoke for nearly an hour. We kissed for nearly an hour. <3

“ Lucky to finally have you.” Beautiful.

Overall, I really liked this entry. The idea was very original and the prompt definitely showed through.

My only critique is that the dialogue is sometimes a bit stiff.

There was only one spelling error and no grammar errors, and the only word choice issues being the ones above.

I think the idea was presented beautifully and you really gave me a wonderful entry.

And it was in by the original deadline! :D

If you want to change anything (not saying you should, but if you want to), I’ll be rereading all the entries when I judge on the 22nd, so you have until then.

Thank you very much for entering my contest, and good luck! J

comment virginity claimed :D
this is going to be a rocking story :) i'm so excited
the main thing that drew me in was the fact this i am currently wearing that exact same top that is in the picture although mine has purple in it :P
i love coincidences
update again soon