First off, I have to tell you that I ADORE the song the title takes from. Ah, the good ol' days.
As for critic to help you, I thought the summary was a bit too revealing as to the characters and the story line. Usually, writers tend to not write enough, but in your case, it just seems like to much to me. Like you already know how half the story is going to be before even reading it.
As well, the beginning of the story seems a bit rushed. I understand we see hockey stars as total horn dogs, but I don't think one would instantly invite someone into the locker room. Maybe, but it's highly improbable.
I like the fact that there was two people competing for her attention, though it seemed a little Mary-Sue-ish almost? Like your character is so beautiful that two hockey players want her attention. I'd fix it that so maybe one is truly after her while the other is trying to give his teammate a hard time.
And continuing on, the fact that almost everyone stopped for her when she came in was another thing to fix. When you create a character, you try not to make them the perfect person, because no one is.
I know the story is finished now, but if you ever come back to it, those would be just a few things to change.
As for critic to help you, I thought the summary was a bit too revealing as to the characters and the story line. Usually, writers tend to not write enough, but in your case, it just seems like to much to me. Like you already know how half the story is going to be before even reading it.
As well, the beginning of the story seems a bit rushed. I understand we see hockey stars as total horn dogs, but I don't think one would instantly invite someone into the locker room. Maybe, but it's highly improbable.
I like the fact that there was two people competing for her attention, though it seemed a little Mary-Sue-ish almost? Like your character is so beautiful that two hockey players want her attention. I'd fix it that so maybe one is truly after her while the other is trying to give his teammate a hard time.
And continuing on, the fact that almost everyone stopped for her when she came in was another thing to fix. When you create a character, you try not to make them the perfect person, because no one is.
I know the story is finished now, but if you ever come back to it, those would be just a few things to change.