Postcards From the Heart - Comments

Oh, I absolutely adored this. It was written with such eloquence, such beautiful emotions. This was absolutely gorgeous and absolutely terrible (in the most perfect sweetest sad of ways). The language...Oh, the words. They cut you to the bone. They're each chosen seeming carelessly, perhaps, but with vicious intent to utterly disarm the reader. It was almost prose, really. I quite enjoyed the violence of the story, if that makes any sense. It was alarming and shocking and drove home a point; the character loved this person so, regardless of society's ideas of what love should be, that they were willing to suffer any amount of abuse. Homophobia is such a terrible thing.

I got a strange sort of seventies feel from the story, which I loved. Perhaps not seventies, but vintage. Old. Aging. I don't know how to describe it The ending was perfect. It just...wrapped everything up in the conclusion the reader felt was almost inevitable, and yet it was still heartbreaking. I wish I had a quarter of your talent, really. This was beautiful.

^What they said.

Ha, no I'm kidding.

I came across your little masterpiece in the Pimpin' and Reccin' thread. The moment I clicked the link and saw the layout I could tell it was going to be a sweet little read. But it wasn't sweet at all. More like a bitter story about unrequited love, love that was hidden out of shame.

Before I could confront you, you swung the mircophone stand around and smacked me across the face and I fell on the checkerboard of two small children with sweet faces.
I couldn't help but laugh a bit at this part. Perhaps it was the only light-hearted section in the story, but it certainly helped win me over.

I don't know if you meant to create a metaphor with the heartstrings but I took it as one for the feeling of love and the pain that comes with it. It was absolutely amazing.

Overall, I loved this story. You are a true artist with words!

So I ran across your profile, I ran across your stories list, then I ran across this . . .
and I read it.

And I cried. Oh God I'm still crying now.
This . . . this touched me more than you can ever know. It hurts and it's real and it's fantastic. I love how your every line is so simple, yet beautiful and how each little fragment of a sentence is just . . . oh God. Even a description like streetlight eyes made an impact within the story.

You managed to present a view of blind love, horrible hurtful love, in a way that makes it more hurtful.
I love stories like these which follow an impossible love, be it between girls or boys. Especially if it was like yours, real, where they don't reach a conclusion. Everything is so blurry, but passionate and dizzy, that you don't even know it's love anymore, you don't even realize it's right or wrong. It's just there and real. Men are men, even if they love other men, even if they hide it. To be completely honest, around the end, I didn't even know if the other guy loved him or not. Probably a bit of both. Need and love. Sometimes one is confused for the other or one is disguised as the other. Here, in your story, it's blurred and I liked that. Because not everything in real life is clear-cut and neat. It's messy and it's horrible and it's there.

I love how you incorporated events into the first person point of view, in the midst of all those thoughts (something which I struggle with myself) and how you played with the heartstrings bit. That bit was amazing as it mixed fantasy and reality to me. It brought his love, and his heart, to life. He carried around, broken, and his heartstrings snapped and showed it to the world, to who'd care.

She ignored the hollow in my chest and pounded my ribcage until I spit up blood on the ceramic tile of the kitchen floor, she kept apologizing and helped me clean up. I showed her my heartstrings, crusted with my blood and piety and sorrow. Scarlett cried for me and hugged me but I ignored her and drove to your house.

Let's talk about this little paragraph. This one got to me the most. You used the word ignored twice but it had totally different effects on me. The first one sounds mean, unfeeling and childish. The second one reeks of desperation and the need he carries. Like in this paragraph I love how you use blood throughout the story and violence because . . . maybe this violence and this hurt he's been enduring is symbolic of what his love was doing to. He was beaten over a ring (he bought for the second guy) by strangers on the street and the hollow in his ribcage (after his heartstrings were taken out) is also beaten by his own sister. Strangers and family were beating him up, bloodying him up, because of his love: all relevant to the other guy.

Also, I have to say I liked how the second guy is shown. He's a guy being a guy. He's a bastard to me and you but he's a guy. He's only human. My heart clenched at this realization when he -the second guy- voluntarily kissed him. Right in front of the girl. Here I was confused, angry, a bit happy and frustrated. I wonder how he, the narrator, felt. He still loved him, even though his heartstrings were cut out and broken. Did he love him back or was it just an empty kiss? My guess it was, just like with the waitresses. The second guy didn't love him at all, he was ashamed, and the words of the girl were the last straw, maybe for both of them. Or maybe he did love him, but not enough. Not enough to be a fag.

Since then I have tried to move on but you have a special spot between my lungs because my heart no longer beats for you. I only breathe you, ash and pomegranate body wash and it chokes me and suffocates me but I have to deal because that's all I can do.
The ending of a story is supposed to be the conclusion, the solution, the revelation and many things. Endings like these are not endings. They're the death of something within the character, even though he has a special place for him between his lungs.
I loved your ending (along with everything else) because of those bold lines. They hurt. He's still hanging like something is amputated and the wound isn't healing; there's this phantom limb he can't get rid of which is worse than being broken-hearted or never being in love because he can still feel it. And he has to deal with it. Especially when he was told he wasn't wanted.
You showed the death of a relationship realistically and at the end the narrator isn't so blind is his love, he realizes his lover(?) is pathetic for folding in to her words, for letting simple hateful words throw the narrator away. He just loves him. Blind or not. It's love that feels like it's embedded in your heartstrings and you can't take out that love like a tumor.
(Also, I love your line a special spot between my lungs; the hollow that was his heart is still empty, reserved for him.)

I've got to say, after all this, wow. Keep writing and improving, seriously, and I hope I see more of you here, love. <3

This was so good, sad and really, really dark but well written. I feel so bad for that guy and I have no idea what he saw in the other...that guy was terrible! Someone above me mentioned how you had so many different topics in this which was good because it kept your readers interest and I think it really shows talent, being able to write more than one thing isn’t always easy. I wasn’t too happy with the ending but that’s not your fault, I’m just more of a fan of the happy endings myself. I wouldn’t change anything you’ve got here though.

I really like the title. Something about it just draws me in. The layout is very nice as well. Simple, but lovely.

I heard you sing karaoke once and it was the worst thing I had ever sat through but I loved you so I forced myself to listen, I imagined everyone's ears bleeding and your parents had to cheer for you because you were their favorite son.
There should be a comma after but. And the flow of the sentence would be better if you put a period after listen instead of the comma.

streetlight eyes
I really like this term or description. I've never heard this before, but I really, really like it.

WOW. This story is amazing. The emotion is so raw and powerful. I felt for the main character. Honestly, I don't know what to say. This is just amazing.

Holy shit, Aliyah. I..I this was beautiful. I mean, I can't even find the words to describe this story. I completely agree with everything Glamophonic said. There were a few errors here and there, but they were so minor that I wouldn't even worry about. You, my darling, have such talent. Even though I think this is your first slash(well, sortta) it was amazing.

You writing is absolutely beautiful. I loved everything about this one-shot. I loved how it focused on not only gays and what they go through, but cancer, violent relationships, and losing a lover to someone else. It was so pretty the way you did it.

The surgeons ripped out my heartstrings while looking for the tumors... This whole paragraph and the references to the heartstrings throughout the entire story were so gorgeous. They left me completely speechless. I'm still marveling over how amazing it is.

I also really liked the ending too. It was so full of sorrow and this almost letting go feeling that was quite beautiful.