'Til Morning - Comments

I love peter pan.

When Peter went missing, I was like, "Oh no! He's splattered on the floor somewhere."

I can't believe he fucking flew! I swear that was one of the greatest rendition of a fairtale story I have ever read. This was great. It was simple, it was swift, it was consistant.

It's just a great piece of writing.

Gosh man! I'm geeking out over here! Peter Barry fucking flew! Gosh!

Chapter One:
I found this really interesting. I don't know, it was fun to read. :) I have a clear image in my mind of Peter. Peter is so weird.. but I like him.

Chapter Two:
She was a quiet and tiny freshman girl with a high, lilting voice that sounded more like wind chimes than a high school girl speaking.
I especially like this line. I've always liked lines that explain a character's voice well. I dunno why.
This is where things start getting really interesting, huh?
Oh and:
It was a sad story. And it wasn't over yet.
I liked that. :D

Chapter Three:
Woah, I couldn't stop reading this. I was totally convinced that he had a mental disorder, then.. this happens. I'm so sub-ing :D

awh! this is really good, I love it. (:
The only thing I have to say is that you could have explained a little more on his disorder, but that's alright because you can imply. (plus the link)

I loved it! Thanks! (:

Okay, so please check out my previous comment to refresh your memory on how much I love this glorious piece of work :] Seriously, though, this is brilliant. I loved everything about this, especially Peter. ;D I love how he's extremely different here and how everyone thinks that he's a freak, which is totally mean, but honestly, aren't we all a bit freaky? xD This is still on my subs list, I believe, and it's not coming off, haha!
I highly suggest you continue this. Really. It has some major potential - actually, it'spotentially amazing - to be an absolutely wonderful series! (: I'd sub to that as well :D <3

Things I liked.
-I loved the atmosphere to this.
-The layout. It was simple, yet eye-catching.
-he smiled a lot. Too much to be natural.--made me chuckle.
-What a strange kid.

So I also liked the fact that it was a long chapter. I enjoy reading long chapters-it keeps me occupied. I wasn't bored or anything through out the story so that was good too. Over all, nicely done. <3

As I was reading this, I was saying to myself that I thought it was familiar and then I noticed a comment that I had left. So basically I've already read this, but its still had the same effect on me and I seriously wish this could've been longer, more chapters would have made my night XD Because I really enjoyed reading this, and I could probably so so a few more times. This work is wonderful<3

This was just so cute. :3
I loved it.<3

Your detail was nice and everything flowed so well. I really liked the summary and I liked how Peter wasn't your average, "all good looks and sexiness. ;D". I like how different and "weird" he seemed. It was kind of cute. :)

I didn't notice too much wrong with this peice. In fact the only detail I had to nitpick was the darkness of the layout's middle. It kind of hurt my eyes. D: If you thought I was going to tear apart your writing, you were wrong, gigglys.<3 Your writing is perfect. C:

I'll prolly read more soon. :)
Amazing Job. <3

I think that anything I say won't be enough to describe what I felt with this story. You are an amazing writer and you understood the true purpose of the contest.
Your characters feel real and the reader can understand the narrator's feelings and thoughts. Even thought some people here didn't liked the descriptive part of the last chapter I think description is crucial to make the reader experience everything.
If you want to know something personal the Peter Barry reminded me of a friend of mine who is like that some times and I felt like I could relate to the story. I did expected him to come back flying because it seemed like the right thing, but I felt very sad when I discovered that I had reached to the last line and I wanted to read more.
In other words: Perfect

This is so adorable. I mean that in the most mature way possible, too. Lindy for Wendy, Tinker for Tinkerbell? Genius! I've never seen anyone do something like this and I've got to say it's very unique! It seems so normal at first, and then bam, here comes Peter and his weird little ways. He sounds pretty cute to me, actually. (;

This seriously is great. You've got an amazing imagination and one hell of an idea!

My review:

Chapter One - When Lindy first met Peter I thought Peter was really intruiging and not THAT strange, but very nice. I didn't see why Lindy didn't want to talk to him. And then with the stalking, I thought that was getting weirder, but nothing too bad, really. Thought I can see where Lindy would be a little weirded out.
And then we find out he thinks he can fly! Which pretty much seals the deal on his supposed craziness! :O I thought it was a perfect ending to the chapter, leaving the reader wanting more.

Chapter Two - I don't like Melanie. She tells secrets that she shouldn't tell. >:O Okay, this chapter was even more intruiging than the last, we learn more about Peter, and why he thinks he can fly. I loved your description and style. This was really anjoyable. And the last line was also, a very great last line.

Chapter Three - I knew he was going to be in her house before it happened, I don't know how I knew, I just did. But I was on the edge of my seat! What I did NOT expect was
Peter Barry was really flying.
This is my favorite chapter so far. Plus, the last line was fantastic. The best so far!

Oh my God! I really liked it! Peter Pan was always one of my favorites! (:

Chapter one: Here are just my thoughts; I wonder if he is telling the truth about flying; why was she being so rude to him in a non-obvious way?

This story is great so far and has me questioning :)

Chapter two: That is so sad! I wonder how this story will go down. I find it depressing how his mother killed herself and that he thought it was his own fault! Alright on to chapter three....

Chapter three: Halfway through the last chapter and I heard he's missing so here is my prediction:

He became petter pan!!! xD

Now I will continue....

OMG I WAS RIGHT

This story was amazing! Kept you interested and I loved the end! It was amazing :D

great job :)

Alright, I'm sorry I didn't get to this last night. You must've posted on my journal RIGHT after I turned off my computer. XP According to the time anyway.

Ha! He made it to Neverland! I like that ending more than him just being insane. At first I was like, "Modern day Peter Pan?" And I was intrigued. Then when you said he was mentally unstable, I was like, "Alright. Peter Pan fanatic. Something bad is probably going to happen to him." BUT THEN HE REALLY GOT THERE!

Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. :D I'm really glad that it ended that way. Brings back the hope fairy tales used to give when I was a child, you know?

I really did like this. It was well written, and it was a great story. Your character was well rounded. She didn't seem perfect, but she wasn't horribly imperfect either. She was relatable. Having the story from her point of view was a great way to do this.

Really. All around, this story was just great. :D

I really liked it. in fact. i would say i loved it.
Peter pan was my favorite disney movie. and I always like reading/watching/listening to different versions of it.

Criticisms:
1. I feel you could have add a geographical reference to the story to make the timing of winter seem more in place. I live in utah and winter doesn't start till december usually, so when you say in the story that it's "already January" it took me off guard.

2. I would like the hair color reference to be in the first conversation that peter and Lindy have together in the lunch line, instead of at the end of the story. it just seemed a little out of place to me.

3. I feel like there was too much description in the third chapter leading up to the end.

4. This isn't a criticism... DO NOT CHANGE THE ENDING!

I really liked it. in fact. i would say i loved it.
Peter pan was my favorite disney movie. and I always like reading/watching/listening to different versions of it.

Criticisms:
1. I feel you could have add a geographical reference to the story to make the timing of winter seem more in place. I live in utah and winter doesn't start till december usually, so when you say in the story that it's "already January" it took me back a little.

2. I would like the hair color reference to be in the first conversation that peter and Lindy have together in the lunch line, instead of at the end of the story. it just seemed a little out of place to me.

3. I feel like there was too much description in the third chapter leading up to the end.

4. This isn't a criticism... DO NOT CHANGE THE ENDING!

Eerie in the first chapter, but good nonetheless.
Your writing style is nice, really good story dear.
I liked it <3

First of all, I like that your writing style is simple enough for people like moi to understand straight off and not have to make little mental notes to look up definitions afterwards.

And another thing – he smiled a lot.
^When I first read that,I thought he had like, Downs or something.

Not be rude, but you know how it is – normal kid tend to shy away from the disabled ones in every public high school.
^Sad,but true. I'm guilty of this myself.

Batshit insane.
^Hahah! I think I'm going to use this swear word from now on.

I just told them it was wrong to pick on someone with a disorder
^Well duh! I thought that that was some sorta law of the world or something.

"Hi Lindy," he greeted me happily. "I found Never Land."
^o.O
I thought, when I read the part about him flying that he was really some sort of angel or something.But he wasn't. And it turned out to be something so much better.

A kid finding his dream, his one true mental escape from a world that hates him.I dunno about the others, but that's pretty difficult to write and keep original as well. Honestly?I thought this was beautifully and marvelously done. Truly. And I've subbed even though I know it's done.I'd like to come back and re-read it. LOL

Okay, so I love the layout, unlike the other commenters. I think simple is best :D Anyways...
Chapter 1: I really liked the way you started this. It's so eerie and creepy and makes you wonder what's up with that new kid. As for Peter, I love him alot so far, even though Lindy finds him a bit creepy-ful. xD I like this sentence the most: "Nice to meet you, Lindy James, pasta-girl," Peter giggled, almost to himself. HE'S CREEPY, BUT SO CUTE AND FUNNY x]
Chapter 2: So. He has psychosis. Oy vey. It's so interesting - but also very sad - to read about his past. Ugh, it makes me wanna give him a hug D: <3
Chapter 3: WHAT?! OH GOD, HE CAN'T BE MISSING! NO, NO, NO! D:! And--oh, God. This kid isn't for real, is he?! I want him really badly. THE ENDING. OH MY GOD.

I'm so subbing to this! You better update soon! <3

I liked the way you started the first chapter.
This has sort of an eerie feeling to it.
When I read:
There was someone on my bed

I did a freaking mini scream.

Thats so creepy haha, I loved it.
Great job xoxo