Strange Meetings. - Comments

{From Comment Swap}
This has an interesting idea, and I could see it going places (I've only read the first two chapters by the way, since there were so many). The plot definitely moved very quickly though and sometimes it was kind of confusing as to how much time was passing in each chapter. I think it would be more effective if you'd focus on maybe one big event per chapter and elaborate more on that than the smaller details.
There were also aspects of it that seemed very hard to believe. For one, where are these teenagers getting the money to see multiple shows a week? Also, I have a hard time believing that there are -that- many shows in Hawaii -that- often.
Your characters also give me a bit of an issue. They're all pretty similar, and they're overall kind of cliche and not easy to relate to.
I don't want to sound like I'm bashing your story because it's really not that bad at all. I just think that comment swapping should be used to help out other writers - that's what I use it for, after all. So I didn't mean for this all to come off so negative - I just wanted to offer my ideas on how you could make this story even better.

I like all the different personalities, and the story line. You did a really great job doing that. I also like the layout, since it's simple and easy to read. I just have to say that the story is a little bit predictable and it moves kind of fast. Other than that, nice job. I'd keep it up.

The story moves too fast. It just runs into each other.

I thought this story was a little bit cliche. It's hard to do band girls and guys without the story seeming like something that's been done before. I think you need to work on making the story stand out and making characters that aren't so typical.
All of the characters and plot seemed predictable and I was a little disappointed.
You have an amazing writing style, though, I just didn't like the content.

This is for comment swap, and I believe you already commented on my story, but it doesnt seem to be working. So you dont have to comment on mine again.(:

So I shall go on about your story.(:

I really liked it, it kept me wanting to know what was happening next. You give the reader a good sense of what the characters are like, what they look like, ect.
The only negative things I have to say about it are maybe a few things spelled wrong, or not capitalized, and the spacing of paragraphs, but other than that i have no complaints! (:

After comment swap brought me to the sequel, now I get the prequel. I have the same basic comments though; you do such a great job bringing characters to life. Everyone has a personality and their own way of talking and acting. You never stray from that. Characters are the baseline of any good story, so great job with that.

"...not even an ounce of fuck given." HA! You make me laugh! I like your clothing and appearance descriptions. Your characters are likeable too. I haven't even read the whole thing and I already know that Natalia will be my favorite. Honestly, this is not my kind of story. I usually don't read slice of life, romance music influenced stories like this, but this is readable. I can't read it all now, but I shall!
You need to work on your tenses though. You keep putting 'is' instead of 'are'.

I only read the first 2 chapters because I don't have the time to read all of this in one sitting, but I will definitely be comming back!

I am in LOVE with this story, it's so good! Oh my cheese, I could keep gushing on that forever! But that woun't be very productive.

I found a couple fo gramatical errors, just stuff that needed to be capitalized. Also, you should make your spacing a little mor conistent, you didn't break up the paragraphs between some of the dialogue.

Other than those few things I didn't find anything wrong. This is an amazing story, and I actually love the names you gave the characters.

This is for comment swap so I haven't read the entire story. But from the first chapter:

You should break up your dialogue like you did the other paragraphs. It will make the spacing consistent (which will make it look better) and it will be easier to read).
I like the idea. I really like that they met over music. I'm a sucker for musicians and bands and just music in general so I can really relate to this.
There are a lot of letters that are lowercase that shouldn't be. You'd definitely benefit from proofreading this.

I do like it though. I think you have some really good characters here, and it's written well.

Well, first of all, the layout is WAY too distracting. But you know what I say? I get people who say that about my layout too. The thing is, people can always use the custom layout button.

Anyway…

Is there a Microsoft word you can copy paste from? Because there are way too many lower case words that shouldn’t be that way.

The dude you have a picture of is cute.

I liked that they met over music. I like music!

I think it would be easier if the dialogue was broken apart like the other paragraphs as well. Its so cram jammed.

I liked the idea of the whole young teenage love. It reminds me of high school.

Very cute. Sounds like my old fan fiction stuff actually. :)
It follows, it grabs the reader, it makes me smile with remberance of those carefree days (oh so long ago lol this made me feel old). It's happy, cute, and you have writer potential - if not already a writer.
Best of luck with your future projects. LOVE the background, fits the story very well. And great addition of the character photos- nice touch.

Hello! I just wanted to say, this is my first time reading an original story, since I usually read fan fiction, but as soon as I read the summary, I knew I’d like it right away! Honestly, I found your story through comment swap, but definitely am subscripting and recommending to everyone!  First off, on something not related to your actual story, I just wanted to say, in my opinion, the background is kind of distracting I ended up turning of (Or whatever you want to call it,) and going with just the plain white one. This is just me personally though. Since I’m weird. Ha-ha. Back to the actual story, I really liked how if flowed easily, and you have a really good flow of how everything is going and good ideas. I’m sad that it’s over, and would love to read the rest of your stuff, since you are a good writer! I like how descriptive you are too, since it really helps with your story and puts it together. Besides that, I am definitely going to be reading your sequel and whatever else you put out to read. Good job, and can’t wait to read more from you!

Just by the description this story sounds so like something I would read! I am really excited to start reading this. I am really stoked that this story is complete. Don't worry I am not planning on commenting and running. I am going to read this tonight and if I'm not done I will continue tomorrow since it is really late. I'll leave another comment when I'm done.

I like how you describe things, it really gives the reader a visual on how everyone looks! It's descriptive and well written.(:

Okay, I'll admit from the get-go, your layout is a little... eh, not as amazing as it could be. The colours of the background and the picture and the words all sort of clash together in a sense that makes it look a little, well, tacky.

On to the actual summary, I think it's super cute the way you describe them singing together and how their eyes catch, or that he makes her heart skip a beat. It's got all the makings of a cute-sy teenage romance, aha, and they're sort of my guilty pleasure.

A couple things: one, for the most part unless it plays some importance to the story, you don't really need to go into detail into trivial things like what they're wearing. I know you want to get their style across, but does it really... matter? Not really, so things like glasses or whatnot that actually affect their appearance or a lip ring, those matter, what kind of pants he's wearing? It's sort of just, well, boring.

Your I's should all be capatilized, and you're constantly switching from past to present tense, and as someone who picks up on that, it really sort of pesters me and probably stops a lot of people from continiung. I'd either get a beta or read it over to fix it. Also, your tags/dialogue should be cleaned up too because you used those incorrectly. :3

I like them though, I like how the three of them all sort of have a natural sort of chemistry where it isn't forced or anything, it reads like they really are best friends which I think is awesome. Ian sounds really cute, aha, and so does Natalie too. I really like them! And same with the three stooges, aha.

I like how tough she is too, you can even tell without her even saying it, by the way that she doesn't even care about getting completely battered at a concert. I think that's really cool about her, aha. And I like how straight-forward she is too! She didn't just wait around for that boy to approach her she was just like screw it, friend request sent, no care. c:

Overall, it's really good, but just a couple things I think could make it a lot better.

I loved this story!!!
I really like the way Dallas notices the little things about Ronnie and really appreciates and admires everything about him. Even in the very beginning, you get a feel for their relationship and how they feel about each other!
A few pieces were a little cliche but nothing that wasn't easily overlooked! It's hard to avoid every single cliche without writing a story that just doesn't make sense.

Thank you so much! :3 <3

Ooh, I like it :) *subscribe!* :)

Lol yes my name is really Desi. :3 And thank you for commenting <3

Hey i really like yerr story Strange Meeting! Is yerr name really Desi cuz so is mine.My favorite thing about yerr story is how they all love music!!!;)plz write more chapters promise i'll comment!!!