Early Morning - Comments

Felt a little unfinished to me, but then again, the act of exhale can be considered a good ending from another perspecitve :) And I gotta say that I actually liked you ended it by an action rather than a thought.

The entry was... sleepy and so heart-warming. I just woke up a moment ago and this made me want to go back to sleep, haha. I think that if you added some yawning I wouldnt be able to stop myself xD I loved how you described Ethan. It was purely through the eyes of his lover, and I have to say that I liked the character of Ethan much more than the one of his lover. In dialogues too. The lover... I dont know, I had this feeling of him being a female... but that's just me, maybe? I would expect a male to act a little differently... I know this is not a constructive contribution, but I'm just saying what your story made me feel, so yeah :p

That paragraph which contains the sentence about him knowing Ethan's tattoo by heart... that whole paragraph is my favorite one. Very <3. :)

And I liked the picture you used to illustrate the story. Made me wanna be that pillow, haha. You decribed very nicely what a person in love can feel when watching beloved one sleep.

Good luck in the contest ;]

Thank you for entering Lili and I's contets, and also for getting your entry in so soon (:
It definitely shows your maturity as a person and as a writer.

First off,
I did like the simple colors that you chose for your layout.
Simplicity is big with me, and I like things that don't hurt my eyes.
I do have to be honest and say that the banner you chose scared me when the screen loaded.
I honestly yelled, there was a gigantic face eating my computer screen.
The photo is much too large, and I suggest you resizing it, or cropping it down in size.
But I do like the fact that it matched the subject matter of your entry nicely.

You have skill with grammar and spelling, as I didn't notice many errors.
Thank you very much for proof reading this before you entered it.

I thought this story was very cute and simple.
They story line and descriptions were adorable,
and you definitely used your secret well within this entry.
It was easy to see the secret you chose while reading.
I think this was my favorite line of it:
"I liked watching his back rise and fall softly as he breathed and I often found myself synchronizing my breathing with his. I liked listening to the quiet noises he made as he slept, the soft murmurs and the snuffles."
I just found that really cute, and realistic.
I could easily imagine someone doing such a thing in real life.
Nice job there.

I must say that this entry came off as repetitive in some places.
You had a tendency to describe or state the same idea over and over again.
Also, I lot of your sentences began with "I liked" or "I watched".
A good way to change that up a bit would be to say something like:
"I observed" "My eyes liked to gaze upon" "I enjoyed"
Change the wording some, you know?

This entry seemed a little...unfinished?
I don't know.
As I read the final line, it just seemed like something was missing.
In my opinion, it seems like something more should happen.

Other than those few things, I enjoyed your entry overall.
You had an original, refreshingly simple, and cute piece here.
Nice work,
and thank you once again for entering. (:

Thank you for entering and getting your entry in on time. (:

Your layout was on the simple side, something that I enjoy, but your banner is huge and disproportioned to your story. I'd say get a new banner or go to picnik.com and mess around with the size by cropping it or simply resizing it. It's just... way too big and I opened the story and simple went, "whoah."

Your grammar and spelling are good as well. That is always a huge plus in my book. It's obvious that you proofread and we appreciate the effort. So, thank you for that.

Your overall story was cute and adorable. You incorporated the secret into it perfectly and I loved how it was sort of out in the open from the start. You could tell they loved each other and the fact that it was so rare that they saw each other with the beauty that comes with vulnerability was a nice touch. It was a well thought out little one-shot.

However, your entry was a bit repetitive. A good majority of the sentences started with "I watched" and "I liked watching." Try to mix it up. You could say "My eyes scanned," or something that means the same thing without repeating the same term. You had an entire paragraph where every sentence started with the same term, "I liked watching," and it just seemed to drag on a bit.

I think the ending was adorable, but a bit abrupt. It more or less seemed like you were having trouble making the word count so you added extra words in places to make it longer. The ending just didn't seem to fit right and left me with a lot of questions. In fact, it sort of made me feel like you typed more and it had simply been cut off since the purpose of an ending is to answer your questions and the story or to bring the story to the close. The story doesn't really seem complete, in my opinion.

However, the originality and everything else showed that you really put in effort. It was an adorable story and a refreshing read. Again, thank you for entering. (: