Our Destiny is Unknown - Comments

*from comment swap*

Layout: I don’t really like it. There isn’t a real color theme, it’s just kinda all over the place. 0/5

Plot: I really like the plot. It’s really sad and romantic, sorta like a Nicholas Sparks story. It especially was personal for me because the man I love is going to be going into the Marines, and when Viktoreia is told Luke died, I couldn’t help but sob at the thought of someone telling me Bane died in combat. 4/5

Writing: Your writing style is so easy read, but I hate how you made the chapters so short. This story could have been added to and expanded on so much, and I think you should of started more in the beginning of Viktoreia and Luke’s relationship rather than right when he goes to war, and I think you went through it all way too fast. In the matter of 5 chapters, Viktoreia lost her virginity, got engaged, got pregnant, had a child, and Luke died. 3/5

Grammar/Spelling: I didn’t find any errors. 5/5

Overall: 3/5

Advice: I really think you should take this plot and expand on it and make it more of a full story. Some things I would change is how fast the story goes, because its just way too fast. You should change how Viktoreia is told Luke died as well, because its just unrealistic that they would tell her at the airport. Normally, they send you a letter or send them to your home with an American flag and their dog tags. You should also change Viktoreia’s reaction to Luke’s death. I feel like she almost wasn’t upset enough, and it just wasn’t realistic. And I HATE how she explained to Taylor that his father had died. “He got hurt very badly, and so hes uh, dead.”, its insensitive and unrealistic and just kind of ridiculous. But other than all of that, I think this plot has a lot of potential for a better more expanded on story :)

This story is very touching, but I have a few problems with it. First of all, you need to paragraph properly. It's pretty much essential and secondly, I feel like you could have told this story in maybe three or for chapters. Some of these chapters were less than three hundred words and that can be really annoying, my advice would be to condense them, it'll make the story flow better because as it is, you're cutting off in the middle of a pivotal moment and then making a new chapter and continuing the dialogue from the last one and it just doesn't work. This story is very heartwarming though and the ending definitely made me smile so well done!