Leaving Here Without You - Comments

I must say first impressions i want to read this just from looking at the layout. its simple and makes it very easy to read font wise :) i love the simple banner by the way.I also liked that you included the information that it was from a contest and it was your interpretation of the lyrics. I like when people include informaton like that.

I love the way you set up the begining scene. It was detailed enough to get an idea of what was going on without over using words. There were a few sentences that i absoultly loved the wording of:

The sound of his footsteps resounded in his head until they were all he could hear.

As he turned the ignition, the small car roared to life and his radio leapt into action.

So this is the world you left behind, this is the guilt that consumes you.
I really love the sentence above because it is so relatible. I really can relate to it because when i feel guiltly it does consume my emotions.

He drove on, no destination in mind. Aimlessly, he drove through side streets and watched people go about their daily lives. The music in the background was just a noise to him, and the rain on the windows blurred the outside world away. He sat in his own little world, remembering.

This is another strong paragraph. It gives me a feeling of his personality of being dangerous and a rebel. And it supports his guitly feeling as described in the last paragraph. Again, I love your use of words.

I also liked your decription of the situation he was in. You said enought to know there was a problem but left the exat details a mystery. It Made me want to read on.

The flowers around him were too bright and cheerful; he was looking for something that didn't scream happiness from every pore.
Again another great sentence :)

The car started again, but this time with a bit more of a groaning, grunting noise that sounded painful. He reversed out of the street with a glance thrown over his shoulder before gunning it down the street.
Another strong visualization. It pictured this perfectly :) Well done.

So say your payers, 'cause I ain't leaving here without you.
I liked how you used this sentence to transition into the cemetary scene. it worked very well. The descrption of how he acted there seemed natural and provided a great visual. Once again i could picture it extrememly well. I could feel his struggle to atempt to take each step closer and closer to the grave.

He crouched down in front of the gravestone, but within seconds his legs gave way and he collapsed in a sobbing heap on the grass. He's sofuckingangry that he's gone, left without him.
again, Very strong sentences. it shows his mental state of his friend being gone. only optional change i would make is. change: sofuckingangry to:so fucking angry.

I must add again the dialouge of him talking to the grave of his friend really showed that he was struggling with the loss. he went back in forth between swearing and hateing him to telling him how he misses him and how everything has changed, how everyone is acting how he wants everything back to the way it was.

He was kicking at the stone, scratching at the solid, unmoveable rock. His nails ripped and the tender skin of his fingertips was revealed and torn. They bled furiously, but Johnny didn’t notice. He kept screaming at the grey stone: ”Why did you leave?”
This had to be one of the strongest emotional visuals i loved your discription of the tantrum.

Strong hands grasped him, and lifted him off the ground. His face was pressed against a soaking shirt, and his band mates crowded around him. They stood in silence as he cried, rain running down their face to disguise their tears.

This was a great ending. I especially liked the ending description of how the rain disguised thier tears.

I really liked this. It was cute and sad. You interpreted the song very well.

I'm actually not a fan of AX7 at all; I never listened to them, I don't know who they are. But honestly, this was so sad. They seem to be a very, very close band who were very effected and angry because of Jimmy's death. The song was interpreted very well here. I like how you added some song lyrics in the middle. It made it that much more unique and interesting. Oh, and I really, really love the layout (: It goes very well with the story.
Lovely job!

I love your banner. It’s quite lovely, and the way it fits with your background is lovely. I also like how it’s easy to read. Your story flows well, and the lyrics add to the story you’ve created, too. ^_^ I like how you delved a little deeper to get your own meaning out of the song, and made it original. It makes it a very interesting read, and something that I enjoyed. The story flow is nice; not too slow and not too fast. You have overall good grammar and spelling too, and you capture emotion well.

Good luck in the contest, and thank you for entering. :D

Awwwww. This...is so sad. :'(
I love your interpretation of this!!

Awwww, that was sad. I really like the layout and i agree with Avenged Pinja you did interprete it well.I loved the descriptions. I haven't read sad stuff like this for ages.

Awe :( Johnny. Jimmy :'(
This was really well written <3 I loved it. You interpreted the song well :)
It was sad, but I like sad things :)
Great job. :D