December 27th, 2010 at 03:45pm
WHOA.
Just... WHOA.
I had to catch my breath, which is a rare occurance with wonderful stories. But still, this was so damn amazing, you don't need to improve it at all!
I love how you ended it. :3
You pulled a beautiful sweet tale together in under about two thousand words; which can be a difficult task for many people to accomplish. I thought it was very poetic, woven together more with emotion and the imagination of the reader than a set line for them to follow. I had to read through the text two times to feel as if I fully understood every stitch of the readings, but that isn’t neccisarlit a bad thing in your case. Both times I felt as if I was a hidden self above it all, looking down on the blinding white scene. You pulled together a beautifully tragic piece. Bravo.
Oh, and to wrap it up, the picture fit perfectly to the story, which I loved and I didn’t notice any spelling or grammar mistakes. So I thank you for proof reading your work before submitting it in. That shows high quality craftsmanship, a good quality to pocess.
My favorite line of description:
However, before she knows it, the elegant fingers are leaving nothing more than slits of winter sunlight in her vision, his suffocating touch stretched out carefully against her eyes, her nose, her mouth.
Don’t breathe, don’t breathe, don’t see, don’t love.
Don’t live, don’t breathe, don’t breathe. The angel blurs as her gaze slowly darkens.
Panicked and desperate, she writhes in his arms, but life is leaving her as quickly as it came.
Thank you for entering this beautiful piece.