Guide Me Home - Comments

Thank you for entering our contest! I'm sorry for such a late review. I've been busy with my own stories as well as a lot of internet problems. I'd also like to apologize if my review is on the shorter side, for my co-writer and I happen to share a lot of opinions on this entry.

I loved your layout. It was simple and pleasing to the eye, something that is so much better than an overly complex layout that hurts the eyes after a while. Your banner matched the content of your story, something that I also enjoyed.

I liked how the entry seemed real and the relationship between Brian and Lucas was great. I can't really complain much besides the way you typed at times. I know you were trying to be creative, but I found your font at times to be rather annoying and just unneeded. As Lisa said up there, you did not need to write like this: S K I P S B E A T S.

The fact that you kept the secret within your characters thought is a major plus as well. You didn't flat out say it, but we could clearly guess what it was. It shows great variety as a writer. Good job with that.

All in all, this was a refreshing read and I enjoyed it. You have talent. Good luck in the contest! (:

oh my freakin' goodness.
im pretty sure that was the most amazing thing i have ever read.
you are...so talented. don't stop. ever, because i have a feeling that you could do this for the rest of your life. because that right there was so...fucking beautiful.
and mind you, i hardly ever cuss in person. and i just cussed in person.
because...it's true.
im pretty sure i admire you now.
so dont give up, because that right there, that was...gosh, im just speechless.

Thank you so much for joining this contest,
and also for getting your entry completed in time for the deadline.
Lili and I both appreciate that greatly, and it also expresses your
maturity and dedication as a contestant and writer.

I quite liked the simplicity of your story layout,
and your banner picture fit in with the story content nicely.
Good job with that, definitely.

I think that you did a very good job with illuminating Lucas' emotions.
It was very apparent to me as a judge and as a reader that he was
struggling to fight off his addiction and disease, and it was slowly
but surely wearing him down.
I really liked this line, even if it did contain a few slight grammatical errors:
"The sidewalk guides me towards the bookstore so I can get lost in fiction and climb my puffy cheesecake fingers through stars and witches and magical fairy dust and dusty magical fairies."
The part where you wrote "puffy cheescake fingers" really hit home with me for some reason.
Instead of having all of those "and's" within that sentence, try placing commas where they are.
That would improve your sentence structure nicely.

Lucas seemed to contain a rather unique voice as a protagonist,
and I enjoyed spending time within his head.
I think you do a very good job with characterization.
Great job on that point.

I liked the way you described the relationship between Brian and Lucas.
The fact that Brian loved Lucas, but Lucas seemed to love his disease more
was truly heart breaking and yet realistic at the same time.
I'd imagine that the majority of relationships between people with EDs
would be something like this.

However,
I must admit to finding some of your syntax to be rather un-needed and somewhat annoying at times.
For example, when you would type something like: S K I P S B E A T S.
I appreciate the fact that you are trying to be unique and original,
but I think it would have been just as effective and much easier to read if you
had simple bolded or italicised these parts.
That is just my opinion, however, and I'm not discouraging you from continuing to be original.

I really liked the fact that the way you wrote this
seemed to be in the style of someone's way of thinking,
particularily someone suffering so horribly of a mental disorder.
I can definitely tell you worked extremely hard on this,
and it showed well within your descriptive talent.

I also liked how you included our secret within this entry,
by placing it at the end and be part of Lucas' though process,
and not just simply typed in the authors note.
Great job with that.

The ending did confuse me a little,
and I wasn't quite sure as to where you were taking this story.
But I do realize that it is an in an author's taste,
and a great majority of us like to leave our reader's wondering.

Finally,
I'd like to thank you again for joining.
You did a good job with this,
and good luck to you as well. <3

I love the way this is written. It is very dynamic, very modern, it flows like a wild river, bombing you with images, thoughts, happenings. You used some awesome figures in here (for example the comparisons with malfunctioning robot or those worn out horses), you have a way with words for sure (dancing eyes, I loved that) you use them almost like bullets. There's so many cliche and, to be honest, unreadable CLICHE stories about anorexic/bulimic teens, but you managed to make this one pretty readable and special. I love the way you play with text, using various fonts, using repetition, spacing. In some cases it is bothering, but in your case most of the time I had the feeling it is used where it belongs and it accomplishes the text well.
Good luck in the contest :]