Ghost of Los Angeles - Comments

Thank you for not only entering the contest, but actually taking the time to submit an entry. Both Lisa and I appreciate it. Sorry for such a late review, but I've been busy with school and writing my own stories.

I enjoyed your layout. It was very simple, but sometimes simple can be beautiful and it was most definitely pleasing to the eye. I would love for you to PM me how you made your banner. I've always wanted to make one like that and never got around to it. Do you think that's possible?

Your grammar was pretty good, something that Lisa and I also appreciate.The only thing that I want to point out is that sometimes when you had them finish talking, you put comma's instead of period's. I've had a story reported for that, so I figured I'd point that out to you and save you some trouble before someone comes along and tries to piss you off with something so tiny.

Your plot line was adorably simple and comical at times because it showed the true thoughts of little kids, something that a lot of older kids forget about because they get annoyed with them easily. I also admire how you took the secret and had it from Dave's point-of-view instead of Ari's because that was very original. Hell, the name Arizona is original! And the ending was simply adorable.

All in all, this story was completely adorable and a cute little refreshing read. Thank you for entering the contest and good luck! (:

Thank you so much for getting your story in on time,
and also for joining our contest.
Lili and I both appreciate that a lot.
Im sorry you've had to wait in the review,
my schedule has been packed.
Anyway, on to the review!

So I quite liked the simplicity of your layout.
The font was a bit small, however.
Maybe you could enlarge it a bit?
Other than that, everything was easy to read,
so thank you for that.

I liked the simplicity of the plot line,
and your characters were comical at times.
I must admit that I found it a bit odd to read about
a twelve and nine year old boy kissing....
but that is all in an author's taste, I suppose.
You did convey your secret within the story, however.
I do wish that more time was spent expanding upon it,
but I also understand that you were writing about little boys here.

I didn't notice many spelling errors within this, so good job there.
The grammar was slightly choppy in some places,
but nothing too bad.

All in all,
I found this to be an original and simple read.
Thank you so much for entering,
and also for getting your entry completed.

Good luck. <3