Orchids, Darling. - Comments

As previously stated by multiple Mibbian prior to me,
your layout is absolutely beautiful.
The fact that you've been able to achieve simplicity yet
remain semi-detailed at the same time makes me love this story.
I definitely think it has potential.

I apologize for getting this in at the last second. I've been extremely busy with halloween stuff and my job and school and what not so I shall try and make this as detailed as I can. XD

ALRIGHT.

First of all, love the layout, it's very nice to look at. Very flattering.

Plot
Well, I have to say that I am thoroughly interested in where this is going. It's a different approach to a romance[I'm assuming?] and I'm very pleased to say that you've got my attention. I love the time zone, never have I read a story on here that was placed that far back. I can't say that you've done it successfully, because I don't know if you have yet. Seeing as it's only two chapters. BUT I shall be subscribing to see how well you pull of the 70s-80s.

Description
I don't have much to say here. The description of the home in the beginning was very nice, I like the vintage feel to it. I won't lie, when you said she was a soulful person I instantly thought of someone who belonged to a gospel church. I also kept thinking of Lousiana for some reason. I liked the image of the dirty Santa Claus stealing money from the rich families. I had this image in my head, that could easily be put to film. Very nice.

Characters
Well, I can say that I will definitely be remembering the Santa Thief. That's something that won't be leaving my mind anytime soon. I really enjoy the way you've portrayed him. Poor and yet intellectual. Very nice combination. I like what you have there. Olivia, why I don't exactly have her scanned permanately in my mind, I feel like she CAN be a very memorable character. As long as she isn't another MarySue, or one of those girls who is so timid and quiet and what not. I love outspoken females, ones who aren't afraid to put out their thoughts.

Grammar
There was only one thing that I really caught. Just a missed tense.

They both watched as the mother smiled and looked to her husband, who took out his wallet, and places a ten dollar bill in the bucket. Just that I think it should be placed instead of places.

Very good job, I'll be subscribing. XD

Oh my gosh, you finally updated this! :D And I'm glad that you chose this for the Review Lottery. I'll try to give you a nice long comment on this (:
Prologue: I think that this is the best prologue that I'm read on Mibba so far. It's beautiful, has lovely details, and makes you wonder. I love how you add a bit more mystery with the date at the top. Hmm, I wonder what was so significant on that day? Oh, my. So from what I've read, she has a phobia or some painful memory from orchards? Or maybe she just doesn't like them? Hmm. I like the twist with they weren’t the brown ones she fell in love with.. I wonder what's up with Robert. I happen to really like him so far :D
Chapter 1: I really like Olivia so far. She's definitely not the generic character, which you don't see very often on Meebz anymore. And for some reason, I like how she yelled at the Salvation Army guy. You hear about their scams alot. :| Or...wait a sec, is he Robert? Or am I just dreaming? Gah, this is too good to stop there! Why did you stop?! D:

Okay, so, I love this. I love the mystery of this and everything about it. I'm so glad that I'm subbed to this (: Lovely job, once again! <3

I haven't done the review thread in a couple months, so please forgive me if I'm a little rusty.

Plot

So far, you're off to a great start. Since there's only two chapters, I can't really say much about the plot yet. I do like how you started the story in the future, which sort of laid the groundwork and the outcome of the story. The reader obviously knows that Olivia and this boy who's still nameless develop some sort of relationship that ends badly, and with that in my mind, it's easier to read and follow this particular story because the reader doesn't necessarily have to follow the plot to find out the outcome, but the reader follows the plot to find out the story and how the characters come to that outcome. It's like when you flip to the back of a book to find out what happens, but instead of having to do that, the reader already knows from the prologue. I'm sorry if that made no sense at all

Description

Overall, I thought your use of description was nice. You weren't overly descriptive, which was refreshing for me because I read a lot of stories written by people who feel that to be a good writer, you have to describe every single little thing and go on and on until it becomes just redundant. Personally, as a reader, I prefer not to have every little thing described to me because it leaves some things to the imagination. Plus incredibly vivid descriptions get a little dull after a while The only thing I would suggest to improve on description-wise would be your physical description of Olivia. For both of the others characters mentioned, you've given brilliant descriptions of them so that I can picture them in my head while reading, but so far, I have no clue what Olivia looks like at all (of course, it's only the second chapter, so you just may be holding out on describing her just yet).

Characters

The one thing that I thought stood out the most in this story was your characters. I can tell that you know them very well in your head, and that shows through in your writing. Like someone mentioned above, I love the fact that Olivia is religious. Though I'm not religious myself, it's refreshing to actually read a character that is. I feel like religion has a great impact on so many people's lives, yet it's rarely touched on in stories. I also like the contrast between Olivia's strict morals and the male character's more laidback views, though I'm not sure how that will work if they become romantically involved, but I'm sure you have a plan! Hmm...the only thing I might suggest would be, even though he's only briefly mentioned in the prologue, would be to elaborate on the relationship between Olivia and Robert, which was a little unclear to me.

Grammar

I'll go ahead and warn you that I'm a little bit of a grammar nazi.

It was playing some sitcom reality show. - This isn't really a grammar thing, but I didn't understand how there could be a sitcom reality show, seeing as sitcoms are fictional and reality shows aren't...

God’s daylight, as she called it. - This was another line that was a little foggy to me because I wasn't sure what you were referring to as being "God's daylight."

It was the same church she had gone to exactly twenty years ago, in search for help and guidance… - It should be in search of help and guidance.

thumped past her, and up to the overcoming noise of footsteps on the porch. - There shouldn't be a comma here.

and wasn’t surprised at who she saw. - It should be and wasn't surprised by who she saw.

Olivia’s smile widened, “Oh, well, I’m glad you did.” - There should be a period after "widened" instead of a comma.

His dimples were adorable, - Same rule as above. Unless the action has something to do with the characters speaking, such as "she said," "he yelled," etc, there should be a period before the dialogue. Sorry if I didn't explain that well.

And with that, he pulled a dozen full bloomed orchids out from behind his back, all beautiful. - This is nit-picky, but it should really be "fully-bloomed."

She was Christmas shopping, last minute for her family. - The comma here isn't needed.

It was times like this when she thanked the heavens that she lived in such a small town, to where her house was less than a mile away from the store. - "to where" should be "in which."

Olivia had always considered herself to have been somewhat of an optimist. - Something about this line doesn't sound right, maybe "Olivia had always considered herself to be somewhat of an optimist"?

Her parents, the type of people who acted high-class, but really weren’t, had taught her everything that a respectful child should know. - You don't need the comma between "high-class" and "but."

It was strange to family friends and such, though, that she had now developed Preacher’s Daughter Syndrome. - There's nothing grammatical wrong with this sentence, I just don't really think it flows well, so maybe try reworking it somehow.

She sighed as she quickly finished up shopping, and headed to the quickest check out she could find. - You don't need the comma in this sentence.

Unlike when she had walked into the store, no more than an hour earlier - You don't need the comma here either.

its Christmas time - "Its" should be "it's".

Every donation goes towards the kids whose parents can’t afford gifts, or the adults who can’t afford homes - You don't need the comma in this sentence.

the mother smiled and looked to her husband, who took out his wallet, and places a ten dollar bill in the bucket. - It should be "placed" instead of "places."

He took the money out of the bucket, and placed it into his pocket. - You don't need the comma in this sentence.

“I’m like Robin Hood, par se. I take from the rich, and give to the poor.” I think you meant "per se." Also, you don't need the comma before "and give to the poor."

Well, I love this.You should like it too :)
The intro is great, and I really loved the first chapter; it gave lots of detail, but definitely left me with a lot of questions I'd love to have answered. Perfect for the first part of a story. Subbing xD
Your layout is gorgeous, as is your banner.

The plot is always a bit hard to decipher from just the first chapters of a story, but as far as a hook goes, I thought this was very well done. You created interest in the prologue by giving so little detail about what was actually going on. Plus, the time jump to make the story seem like memory instead of present day events really got me into it.

I did think that the chapter after the prologue seemed a bit more basic than the prologue though. It's hard for me to explain what I mean by this, but I'll try my best here. Basically, I thought that the prologue was very mysterious, and it gave you these little details without telling you what they mean. Then, when I started reading the first chapter, I couldn't picture it as well as the prologue. I wasn't pulled into it the same way.

I think a lot of that has to do with the dialogue. I'm a bit person for detail and description, so, even in dialogue I tend to put a few sentences explaining how it was said. The way you did it wasn't bad or anything, but since it used less detail with the dialogue than what I would do, I think I lost some of my connection with it.

I've already touched on description a bit. In the prologue I thought the amount of description was perfect. It pulled in the reader without overloading them. I would just add a bit more in chapter one. Your writing is very well done, and your imagery in the prologue was amazing. I would just try to keep that going through the rest of the story.

The characters haven't been expanded a whole lot yet, since it's only the first two chapters, but I really like the main character you've created in Olivia. I think the clashing with the main man that her personality will create will work very well for the story. I also like that she's religious, just because it's something you don't see very often on Mibba.

If I saw any typos, they did not stick out enough in my mind to remember to put down here. Your writing was very well done. It flowed well, and it kept me going the whole time without worrying how much was still in front of me. I was only concerned with the words I was reading.

This is a very good story so far as I can tell. It seems very interesting, and much different than anything that's already been seen on the site. I'm definitely subscribing right now. :D

Sorry, I don't know what happened. :/

Anyways, continuing. "Her parents [were?] the type of people..." There's a lot of commas as well, there doesn't need to be a pause after every and, too much pausing disrupts the flow.

Otherwise, it's a nice story. It's not too complicated, I'm not utterly confused. The man seems sort of interesting, which is the only thing drawing me towards the story at the moment since the plot has yet to unveil. Though I do hope that some sort of conflict does come up in the next chapter or so because otherwise there isn't much keeping me to read the story.

Like I said, it's a nice story, and I do think that it has a lot of potential being at only a chapter and a prologue.
:)

The layout, as you already, is gorgous.

The prologue was short and simple. I found the beginning a tad boring, I mean it opens up the character I guess though as well. I find it choppy at the beginning, and "a light knock" leads into a run-on sentence.

It was a good prologue though, opens up well into the story. Makes me wonder why the orchids were so important. There weren't any grammatical errors that I picked up on. Except for "His dimples were adorable, 'Here...'" I'm not sure if that's supposed to be a capital.

In chapter two, "Texas wasn't supposed to snow"... Texas is a country, it can't snow. Maybe it wasn't supposed to snow in Texas?

"She was an optimist', that's telling. I don't think you need that, instead just keep it at her trying to think of good things, showing us that instead of telling.

Chapter two
Texas isn’t supposed to snow, Olivia Turner thought as she stood watching the white water fall from the dark night sky. She was Christmas shopping, last minute for her family. It was times like this when she thanked the heavens that she lived in such a small town, to where her house was less than a mile away from the store.
^That is a good way to tell us where she lives, if you would of said oh she lives in texas, that would be boring, good way to tell us

t was strange to family friends and such, thought, that she had no developed Preacher’s Daughter Syndrome.
^ that doesn`t make sense to me is the no suppose to be now?

He held a bell, which he began shaking lightly, creating a calming tinkling sound. A bucket was in his other hand, with a paper taped on that read “SALVATION ARMY” in big, red letters. There was a family heading their way. They were the type of people he worked on. They were put together, without a care in the world. They could afford to donate a few dollars to a good cause, right?
^ I like how your describe things, in some books that have even been published and I have read descriptions are boring, but yours arent

Oh, he is scamming people, I didn`t expect that

I really like how you do their personalities, they are both done very welly

I`m sorry if my comments aren`t what you want but there isn`t much else to tell you

Chapter one:
I like how you put the date, it`s cute.

It was the same church she had gone to exactly twenty years ago, in search for help and guidance…
I like how this was said, it made you wonder what had happened

I also like how you describe everything, talking about it is vintage stuff, and how it is sort of teaching us about her and who she is

I like how the flowers brought back memories, it`s a good idea

And with that, the feelings she had tried to keep hidden for years were brought back up in a rush, filling her entirely with a sharp pain.

She gulped as she looked up into Robert’s hazel eyes.

They weren’t the brown ones she fell in love with.

Orchids, darling, orchids…
^ that leaves you wondering and wanting to know more, read more

I like the first chapter(:

The Layout is beautiful, I love it. And, "Sometimes, the ones we love the most will be the one to bring us the most heartbreak..." makes you want to read it(:

I really like the way you've set this. You have just enough detail in it to keep the mood set. The one thing I noticed is that you should watch for odd wording and not cluttering sentences with unneccassary words. One other thing, "I’m like Robin Hood, per se. I take from the rich, and give to the poor." it should be par se. I'll definitely be back to read the additions you make. ;)

I love this! Post another chapter!

To start off, the layout and banner is gorgeous.
I love your attention to the right types of detail, it's precise and cuts to the point.
Robert...you'd think he was much younger to be described so hot.
But hey, I think Robert Downey Jr. is somewhere down the same lane...Mm. (:
Whateverhisnameis sounds like a pain in the ass, but very much like Robin Hood himself.
Shooting for the one righteous goal, even if it means commiting wrongs on the way.
I loved the story, the little bit I've read anyways.
Definitely subbing. Update soon!

WOAH. I love the layout. It's absolutely gorgeous yet simple. Although, the non-seamless background annoys me a bit. XD But I'm a graphics designer so its typical that I would notice that.

I love the summary. Even if it is a line or two. It gives me good insight on what type of story it will be. :3

The prologue made me go :O AWEH. Olivia seems like.... Such a darling. When Robert pulled out the orchids, I gushed inside. Olivia's reaction just makes me want to know more about her.

The encounter with the "Salvation Army" was quite interesting. I'm sure we'll see this man again. I feel like you're foreshadowing something. I hope you write more of this. I loved it. :3

I agree with Alexander Bernadotte. The layout, banner, and icons are beautiful. Background especially. :) I can tell this story has some really good potential. I always like stories that end chapters with a 'oh, how wrong she was' type of thing, like you did. It gives a feeling of suspense somewhat and that you know something will happen. :) I actually found no errors while I read this. :O It's a really cool story! I'm subscribing to it. :D

Okay, first of all, I really loved the layout and the icons and the banner. They're really pretty and go really well together (: Second, this story is absolutely adorable. It's has a very pretty feel to it and I really enjoyed what I read so far (:
I'm definitely subbing <3

first of all, i LOVE the layout so much, i mean its AMAZING!
I like Olivia's character already! she seems so carefree and simple
but has a lot of soul, and is very mature. thats what i got out of it at least
is this supposed to be set in older times, or modern day?
and how old is olivia supposed to be? since robert is 42
aww he brought her flowers :] thats so sweet!
you know what, this kind of reminds me of The Notebook a little bit
so is her family poor? or are they just not rich?
i love those sweet people that dress up as santas for the salvation army
he stole it?! thats mean, hes not really one of those sweet people :/
i really like this story. i can tell its a cute little romance
I serously really like this, i thnk you should continue it :]

I rly like this I hope u continue it

Don't stop!
I absolutely love this.