My Eternal Damnation - Comments

Awesome job keep it up dude:]

This is a really good story. I look forward to the next chapter(:

Hey there. This is prize comment for my contest. To get to the point, I think this could be a really great story. I don't usually read things like this so maybe this isn't true, but it seems to be it's own idea and not some variation of someone else's. So points for originality. I'm interested to see where this is going to go. :)

In terms of mistakes, there was only a few, the first of which you may not agree with. But anyway, the two biggest ones I saw (which still weren't big per se) were in the prologue. You were describing the desire she had to go outside and used the word "long-fully" which could be "longingly" instead. The second was when the woman was telling the little girl she was blind and said "but your blind" instead of "but you're blind." I don't mean to point out flaws, I'm just trying to help you perfect your writing.

The only other tip I may have for you is expanding on details. I have trouble with this when I write stories too (which is why I don't write them very often) and it can be a hard thing to improve. It's hard to really be constructive about this when I'm so bad at it myself, but I thought I should at least mention it.

So overall, this story certainly has potential and what you have as of now is quite good. You should be proud of it. :) I enjoyed reading it and I hope you continue to write.