Frostbite - Comments

Ahh! This was really nice! I wasn't even expecting a vampire story, but then it came out and smacked me in the face!

Your drabbles are pretty interesting, actually. :) They're short, concise, and get the job done. The setting of this one was perfect for a horror story, and the description of the woman/girl's fear was very well done. The line How do you escape an eternal nightmare? was well placed for a bit of foreshadowing. I'm upset that I didn't expect a vampire even then. xD And I'm also glad it was a normal vampire and not a sparkly one. :)

Great job on this! :)

This was really nice I liked how detailed it was and it had a cold theme about it that made me want to read more.

I am rather starting to enjoy your little drabbles. This one was kind of sad, but still exciting making you wonder what was going on (or at least me) until the end. The only thing that made me sad was that the original picture for the background is gone, whatever it was.

This intrigued me right from the beginning. Your description of the setting was perfectly and I could picture it in my mind. Even though you never bring it out there, that feeling of terror was portrayed well. The line in the middle did feel a little... random, I suppose but I can understand why you would want to keep it in there.

Thank you for commenting on my journal; you certainly have a gift for horror. :)

What I love about this is that it portrays a vampire story in a way that's not predictable. The description, first of all, is incredible. =) You really paint an extraordinary image here.

Also, I miss when vampires were dangerous, bloodthirsty killers. You have recaptured that quite well. More of these vampires need to exist.

And finally, I agree with what someone before me said: The line "She felt faint as her life stood on edge; she could almost see the other side - and she longed for it." was absolutely perfect.

Once again, I'm in awe at your word efficiency. And your description is so rich and powerful, it definitely breathes life into a idea that's been done a lot...and makes me want to read it all over again.

Whoa. The description was just perfect, not too much, not too little. The banner, or picture as I should call it is just beautiful. <3 Your writing just flows and I couldn't find a thing that was repetitive. XD Over all, this was just fabulous.

I really, really loved this. Your word choice is flawless, the banner and layout both beautiful and everything just works together perfectly. I really loved the line you italicized, "How do you escape an eternal nightmare?" Just one tiny error I noticed: The faint sound of footsteps broke her from her trace. I think you meant "trance" XD

You wrote this beautifully, and I agree Shed Your Yellow that this plot isn't exactly unique, but this had me captivated the whole time.

I like this. :) It was very mysterious...but, I'm confused, is it an actual person who is killing her? Or something in a dream? The sentences flowed nicely, and thank you very much for the credit in the Authors Note. You are a very talented writer, that is obvious. And I LOVE your style of writing. I also didn't see ANY mistakes, so kudos to you for that! The layout was lovely as well. BRAVO! GREAT JOB!

I really liked this. :)

I loved the layout and banner, they were gorgeous. <3
I also really liked the details in this, and I didn't know it was a vampire story until the end, so that's good. :)

I'm not going to repeat what everyone said before me, so just take their advice, because they're right. <3

But really good job. :) <3

this is intriguing :)

I love how peaceful everything seemed to be in the beginning, before plunging into the good stuff :D I love how the monster stayed more or less anonymous. I didn't imagine it as a vampire, more like a...I don't know, but it's awesome.

I'm such a sucker for details <3,

I honestly have no constructive criticism for you ): just nit-picky stuff.

Oh, and I love the layout btw.

Saul Hudson basically said everything that I wanted to. The background is gorgeous and banner is really pretty too! Anyways, I got major goosebumps when I read this O_O I dunno why, but I totally thought of the Twilight prologue when I read this; like, she's relaying what happened to lead up to that moment and she was terrified, but could do nothing to stop it. It's so silly to mention Twilight and compare it to an amazing piece such as this, but that's the only thing I could think of at the moment xD
However, I also agree with Redundance about the drabble part, BUT I still loved it all the same. It's amazingly written, freaky, creepy, mysterious and even more adjectives that I can't think of right now xD
Amazing job! <3

First thing off nice layouts always catch my eye and I love this layout, I think it's wonderful, I like the background especially, I think it's pretty =D As well as the banner.

Lovely writing skill that toy have, the imagery is fantastic. I also agree with Redundance drabbles are usually in the world of writing anywhere from 50-150 words but on Mibba they're generally accepted as drabbles if they're under 500 words, this is more of short story kinda thing.

But I thought it was incredible, I liked the mystery of it, and even though it was about vampires, I thought it was rather wonderful =)

You're a great writer i'll give you that but UGH! another vampire story

You're very detailed so it created a good visual. =)
You also get points for the mystery of it all!

This was really good. (I know, I know, you don't want comments telling you how good it was...)

The one thing I would fix about this is that one italicized line in the middle. Maybe you have some attachment to it (I often get attached to lines in my story, so no hurt if you are.) but I thought it was kind of unnecessary. And it was kind of abrupt. Like, I was all into the story, and then all of the sudden it was back to the real world, and the story just isn't the same after that.

Maybe that doesn't make sense... sorry if it doesn't.

My one last nit-picking annoying thing is that a story can only be considered a drabble if it is 100 words. Exactly. More or less and it is just a short story.

You're an excellent writer. Keep it up.

<3
Lauren

First off, I wanna say, I really love this, it's kind of amazing, but there are some things..

Bad-ish things (you know what I mean, critisizm):

- This is not a drabble, a drabble is 100 words exactly and this is definitely longer. So it's just a oneshot.

- Despite her boots she and the overcoat she hugged firmly to her body, she shivered violently still. You need to change this sentence because it doesn't make sense.

- This story is borderline original. I mean, How do you escape an eternal nightmare? that line and many others are just gorgeously done and totally unique, but the plot is overdone (in my opinion)
I think you worked with it well though, and you pulled it off good.

Things I loved:

- The summary, with that quote, and just the colours.
- The banner thingy
- Story title is great, it gives nothing away.
- Description is perfect, not too much, not too little.
- You define the killer very well.
- She felt faint as her life stood on edge; she could almost see the other side - and she longed for it. This line is amazing. a-maz-ing. AMAZING.

^_^ Good job.

New story! It's another drabble.

Comments = love.