A Holiness to the Heart's Affections - Comments

Edit: sorry the coding got all messed up.

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I should start by saying I haven't seen the film Bright Star so please forgive me if any of my assumptions related to that are incorrect.

From this story alone, I'm not to sure what's happening here, but I'll take a whack at it: Keats is in love with Brawne but he thinks there's something going on with Brawne and Brown, though Brown denies (and possibly Brawne does like Brown).

The first paragraph just blew me away. I loved the description of the setting and events happening here. It wasn't too much, and it wasn't too bleak. It was just perfect. I loved that through your description of something as simply as how each character walks, you've already managed to say a lot about each character.

I particularly liked these two lines: ...whose step developed a speed to match his famous wit. and ...and his heart swelled sickly in his chest.

I really liked the way you described Keats actions, his nervous/angry/emotional ticks and oddities. I think it added a lot to his characterization and really helped to let the readers see his frustration and allow us to take a guess at why that is. I think his impatience, the nervousness, the (almost) repressed anger, and the fidgeting did really well to express how Keats really felt about Brawne and how much it bothered him that he couldn't actually just come out and say it.

I should start by saying I haven't seen the film Bright Star so please forgive me if any of my assumptions related to that are incorrect.

From this story alone, I'm not to sure what's happening here, but I'll take a whack at it: Keats is in love with Brawne but he thinks there's something going on with Brawne and Brown, though Brown denies (and possibly Brawne does like Brown).

The first paragraph just blew me away. I loved the description of the setting and events happening here. It wasn't too much, and it wasn't too bleak. It was just perfect. I loved that through your description of something as simply as how each character walks, you've already managed to say a lot about each character.

I particularly liked these two lines: ...whose step developed a speed to match his famous wit. and ...and his heart swelled sickly in his chest.[.color]

I really liked the way you described Keats actions, his nervous/angry/emotional ticks and oddities. I think it added a lot to his characterization and really helped to let the readers see his frustration and allow us to take a guess at why that is. I think his impatience, the nervousness, the (almost) repressed anger, and the fidgeting did really well to express how Keats really felt about Brawne and how much it bothered him that he couldn't actually just come out and say it.

At first I was trying to place what scene this was in the movie, and then when Fanny stepped on the branch and John turned to her, it was just in my head - there with the valentine. :) I liked that at that point it struck a chord within me, because it was nice to read along to something that was really vivid in my mind once it got going. :) I really liked how you wrote all the characters - I like that it was told from the perspective of John, and that it didn't focus on Fanny - like the movie mostly did, and it just felt good and right. :) I particularly liked how you used the dialogue, especially when Brown said it was in jest, and John is saying he's not laughing and Fanny isn't laughing - that was ringing in my ears right from the movie. :) But most of all, I like how this is a snippet - I like how you end it where it does, so the reader isn't sure what's coming next - unless they've seen the movie. I like the way it's written - I think the tone, the narration and the period is well suited and well done. :) I just think it's lovely for what you've done. :)

This is for the contest:)

You write this in a very.. classical way. The description is specific and detailed, and you word it extremely elegantly, to me. It really works, especially with the scene. The content in itself is something that speaks to me. How John is feeling, how he acts; I felt directly as you as the author intended for me to feel, I think. I really felt the emotional impact of it, the hopelessness of the situation. Out of all the stories for the contest, this is the one which I want to continue reading the most.

Very impressive, check for the results soon:)

Please, do. :)