June 15th, 2011 at 04:53am
This is one wonderfully written and amazing drabble. I love a good slash story, and yours was more than good. I can really picture the scene perfectly in my head as they wait. The way you write the details was perfect as well. I especially l love how you phrase that their holding hands so tight her nails are digging in. With such few words and wonderful details I really get a look at how close they are, especially when neither of them stand up as the train arrives.
It makes me wonder whats going on with them. Is someone leaving or are they going together. I like that you left the ending open like that for interpretation.
How is it that no one else has commented this?
Wow, this was very interesting. It makes me wonder about their relationship, why they're there. But it's not supposed to answer those questions it's a drabble, a moment in time, and I thought you showed that wonderfully.
Layout:
The layout was beautiful, what can I say? It was light and matched with the picture perfectly, and I love purple. :D
Grammar & spelling:
There were no errors that caught my eye, nice job! :)
Content:
It was very short and sweet, just like you said. Also, like I said, it makes me wonder about their relationship a lot, but I could also tell that they were very close considering what they were doing together. It was very calm and relaxing for how intense the situation would normally be. I also loved the last line: Her smile hit me like a ton of bricks, radiant in the late afternoon sun. I liked it because -- I'm not really sure how to explain this -- it was like, you know the train was coming and whatnot, and the fact that she was saying her smile hit her like a ton of bricks, it was just cool, considering the situation. I don't know if that made sense, but I'm sure you understand it sense I'm guessing that was your point in writing it. Anyway, I adored this. <3 Great job.