All Hope. - Comments

Woah, I really loved this! Well written, I really love your writing style.

layout;
i think the layout is great. the minimalism. there's really nothing to this layout but that's what makes it because of the feel of the story.

initial reaction;
i always skim a story before i claim it. and the reason i claimed this one was because it seemed dead. i know that probably sounds incredibly strange to say and possibly even insulting, but i don't mean it that way. this seems like it's one of those moments where you feel devoid of emotion and it's just darkness in your head. but it didn't seem like an angst story, so i was really interested to read the whole thing. (i hope that makes sense.)

story;
i love the description of the room, what she's staring at, the mug. normally it's too much. and i would just be all "this is bullshit and i don't care", but the point of this is just the moment. and to understand the moment we have to see everything. it's not overly descriptive. it's just describing more than usual. like you're not overdescribing scenery, you're just describing a lot of the scenery.

"Out of respect."
there is just something about this line. i'm not sure what it is. but i can relate. and i think that's it. when you're stuck in a situation and stuck in your realm of thinking, you don't want someone to feed you bullshit and try to make it better. these three words took me back three year ago to my ex leaving me. and for three words, that's pretty powerful.

i like how "he" only lived there for four months. it's not a long time. but it can be. it can be forever. and it's really interesting. i like how the guy says it shouldn't be a big deal and she agrees, but it still is. you can't change that.

the dialouge in the middle. the almost fight. it sort of feels like a papercut. it's just something you don't feel like you should be seeing. like you're eavesdropping. it's painful to read. especially when she talks about how she has no choice but to get through it. like it's obvious but she doesn't feel she should have to say it maybe and this guy is just so clueless. this is raw. it hurts, physically. i feel like i'm breathing in cold air through my teeth. that sort of sting.

i like how th four months gets brought back up again and this time he's acknowledging it because he has to in order to get her to acknowledge it.

overall;
this whole damn thing is so fucking broken and raw. it doesn't read like non-fiction. i think it's something anyone who's been in a situation like that can relate to. it's very universal. but it's so fucking specific to this girl. and i wonder who the guy is, but then i don't because it doesn't matter, because he's not that guy.

this thing is just a fucking papercut in the most beautiful way.

This absolutely floored me. I read it and felt all the emotions in it welling up in my heart. Your way of subtly describing things is really powerful. The line where you compared her voice to porcelain...gah, that was really great.
I'm sorry this comment isn't really constructive at all, but when I finished reading this, I couldn't not say anything. Wow.

You wrote in the present tense in such a lovely way. Not many people pull it off, generally sneaking in words of past tense. But you kept it consistent, and therefore...it worked and flowed really well. :]

What I really liked about the whole piece was that they were both in the darkness, she was in the darkness from someone she loved going away, and he's in the darkness because of her(?) - what I thought was really well done was the last line and how that just resolves everything. Like, in admitting she loved the other man, the darkness of her heart was defeated - the basement sort of like a metaphor for her heart. :] Also, the light flooding the basement could be his hope that things will get better. :]

It's a neat story, and the prompt worked wonders, I think. :]

Story Review Game

Layout: Shockingly, I actually really like the plain white layout. You would think I'd complain and ask you to add more color but it fits nicely, and doesn't look gross. So yay. XD

Content
Firstly, can I say that I love the tense you've written this in. It just flows so nicely, normally when I read stories in this tense[for some reason I can't think of the term...present tense?] it just never really works well. You my dear, have done it lovely. I tried writing in this tense once or twice, and I was quite pleased with the way it turned out to be honest with you. I love the detail in this, it may seem so pointless but really it puts the perfect melancholy feel to the entirety of the story. It gives me that numb, overbearing feeling of loneliness and unwelcome, or maybe that's because I'm already sort of feeling that? I also really enjoyed the dialogue, I felt that it flowed nicely while it was meant to be awkward and uncomfortable...it felt...natural. Like you were documenting an actual conversation. For some reason I feel like she has an accent, just as reading her words they seem so stiff, that I imagine them being said with a some sort of accent. Like Romanian or Spanish...just a fun tidbit. I love how bitter she is--it reminds me of me when I realized that I'd lost my 'love'. Very well distinguished how much she hates this person...

I wish there was more! I feel like this is incomplete in some way...still very good and very emotional. But incomplete. >.< Are you going to continue this at all? If so, please let me know!

Grammar
While there wasn't much, if not any mistakes that I could find there was one sentence where I think you could've emphasized more.

What else is there to do? I think that if you italicized 'to' it would just get the point across more clearly.

Otherwise that's it. :) Very nice job.

I loved this. You have a really effective and powerful way of writing, how you manage to sort of dramatize everything so that the reader can really picture and understand every thing that is happening. Like when you wrote: "She doesn’t answer. Instead, she leans forward, grasping the candle tight in her fist and brings it towards her face. Now her profile is aflame to him, the rest of the room undistinguishable. And she blows it out. Puff. The smoke rises as clouds."

This short story isn't cliche at all as you really made the whole concept of 'being dumped' your own, I can see the girl is really trying to be strong and hold back the tears. It's so sweet of the guy to stick with her no matter what. needless to stay I really enjoyed reading this (:

Loved it <3 Poor girl, I know exactly what she is going through :(
Good work :)