Strut. - Comments

LOVE! Like said before, the Gossip Girl vibe works! And I love your lay out as well!Keep it up<3

I've been looking for a good original fiction for a long time time now, but this one is way better than good. I'm hooked!

I love the vibe to this story already without reading a chapter yet, it's got that Gossip Girl vibe and I am a sucker for stories about New York. The banner is gorgeous and the background fits in perfectly with the elitist/hierarchy theme.

I also love that you've written this in a relaxed, conversational tone because it makes the story more interesting to read. I also like the introductions you've given to everyone, and how different they all are to each other. I'd have to say that so far, I find Raegan the most interesting, because she's an absolute bitch but I find it's the characters that are the most bitchiest are the most three dimensional. The way she tricked Brendan was just horrible, but so smart as well. It's almost admirable, in a way. This is interesting so far!

Al I can say is wow.. I just stumbled on this story by chance and I'm hooked. The plot is just so unique while the chapters are perfectly written. I adore this and can't wait till you update !

Duuuude I remember I would come back to this story every now and then to read the first (only hahaha) two chapters that you'd posted. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw this story had been updated in my email. Also I remember commenting a long time ago god that was embarrassing.

Okay so I gotta get one thing out of the way before I forget to write it later, and it is this: it's so weird reading this chapter, not because it's bad (it's brilliant) but because now I have insight to Ross and Reagan. And Ross is actually human. Or like, reading their dialogue and their interactions, it's a bit disconcerting because I'm like woahhh. They're actually flesh and bone, versus robots.

And I love Li okay right now he is my favourite character (though it seems I expressed lots of love for him before ) And I love how you portray the characters, honestly, how you write about them. Like Li being unable to resist a new case; Ross growing soft on Li (even though he acts like a total boob); Reagan being like an actual robohuman sort of thing and poor Brandon omg.

I'm hoping you haven't forgotten about this story! I love the tone and narration. The characters, love them even more. Although they are the kind of people you don't run into everyday, they seem real and flawed as people normally are. I can't wait to see what's in store for Alexis. (Normally this name bothers me in stories because it's so over used but I love it in this case)

First, I want to say I love your layout! Its super cute. Anyways, I really like the story you have going right now. The idea is so different from anything I've read on here, or anything I've read in general! I agree with some of the other comments about the humor. I absolutely love it! I myself am really sarcastic and it seems like nobody ever gets my humor, so I like that it's in here! So, you've done a good job so far. Keep up the great work, you're an awesome writer!

This is awesome, I love the plot it's so unique and the story itself is quite entertaining and interesting.

I can't wait until you update again. :D

I've definitely subscribed. C:

Hm... I like this. It looks like you have a very interesting plotline going here. :) One I've never quite seen done before. Props to uniqueness. :)
I really like what you have of it so far. It's quite devious and entertaining to read. ;) You definitely have my interest.
So... please post more again soon! :)
Definitely... subscribed! :D

The title fits the story so well! :)

The first chapter made me laugh. I adore the third person narrator's sense of humor. It definitely enlightened me and painted the picture of the setting and who the people, what they are like and so on and so fourth. However I didn't get a sense about what the story is about and I still didn't get it in the second chapter. It just seems like it's about a bunch of people living in New York. I hope a scandal arrives soon. I'll be keeping my eye on this one. ;) <3

The beginning of this chapter was hilarous The whole thing with the models... I mean, it's terrible, but it's so true, and it was just funny. And the salad descriptions... terribly true. And the sarcasm... oh, it was dripping of sarcasm. I love it.

I'm not sure how I feel about Alexis... like, IDK. She's totally in a grey area for me right now. Then again, she's just been introduced, so... I hope I'll be able to build a better opinion of her soon.

This bit: Apart from standing at six feet five, I'm like, 99% sure that should be "foot" not "feet", 'cuz the latter sounds weird.

Li though xD He's awesome. I like him. Just the way he and Ross banter... it's awesome xD

I love this update. What I mostly want to know is - why Alexis? 'Cos Reagan wants to fuck Charles' job up or what? Gah I want to know. I like Zhang Li, haha, especially the line where he goes: "I'm fucking Chinese!" That just made me break out into a massive grin. I like to imagine that Li hasn't got too much of a Chinese accent, since heaps of films cast old Asian dudes with accents. So. Beast update. I don't usually do this next bit but I felt I ought to point it out, and you did mention it in the author's comments, so:

And there he is tucked away in the corner - I think after he is there ought to be a comma, as the sentence continues and it might work better.

“Right. Who’s life do you want to ruin now?” Li fidgets with his papers, avoiding looking up Ross. The word "Who's", I think, ought to be "Whose".

I think there was also a bit where I thought the tense was a bit odd, but I can't seem to find it now. I think it was when you were describing the girls having lunch with Alexis, or roughly around that bit, and I thought there were some bits where you wrote stuff like: "It's not like" didn't really fit. I mean, the voice you have when you write this sounds so professional and humourous, slightly, that when things are worded like: "it's not like" versus "it isn't as if" sounds a bit off. Aside from that, I really do like this story and I hope it continues to be spic and span/edited. c: It would be unfortunate, I think, if you were to stop editing this NaNo/JulNo story, then stop updating.

And you don’t know their names. Any of them. They’re so famous, they’re never heard of. They’re so famous, they’re literally no one. - I really love the paradoxical nature of these few sentences. I think it's pretty lovely to read, it's something you can picture and it really captures that idea of New York and everyone wanting to be famous, and how it seems to diminish their own personalities into something/someone they aren't. I just think it's neat, and it really ties in well with the previous lines about the city full of corruption and bribes. :) It makes perfect sense.

and whenever you see that young of a CEO - I feel like there's something missing in this sentence, or something needs to go. I feel like it could either go whenever you see someone that young as a CEo or whenever you see that young a CEO; because at the moment, young of a CEO reads just a little awkwardly.

In this case, out friend Charles - our?

Alexis did it because now she has money. - this sentence kind of battles with the present and the past, and I feel like because it starts with the past, it should continue with her mindset within the past. So, something like Alexis did it because she wanted the money/needed the money/was enticed by the money... etc, or maybe even Alexis had done it because she saw the money in her future? And same goes with the following line about Charles and sex. It just doesn't sound too fighting with the did it because now..etc.

and good one?

you can bet she’ll be she’ll be :) I'll leave that here. :)

Charles is honestly just terrified of being left. - this sounds a little iffy to me, so I'm just gonna point it out - and then leave it, because I can't quite think of an alternative, unless you want to add alone to the end of that sentence?

This is how almost all of them work when you get up far enough. - I like how this reflects everything else that has been said in the chapter, it's really quite neat. :) It just continues with that idea of losing a personality (even if it's not quite hinted at directly, but it sure feels like that), and that when you're so high up in those social ladders, you're not you at all - you're who they perceive you to be and that's all you'll ever be kinda thing. It's neat.

I like how you've got all these different characters that contribute to the underlying story. It really seems like things are going to take interesting turns. :) I think the character development is pretty decent, and it's pretty promising in the fact that all of these people will make up a decent story. I think the only thing I'm a little iffy on is the tense. Sometimes it's past, sometimes it's present - but it doesn't seem like it's not working, but at other times I'm not so sure. I think at the moment, it's helping the story along. :) Just something I wanted to point out.

Oh, and I'm absolutely adoring the play on the social hierarchy within the story. :) It definitely also does wonders. :)

The introduction is just incredible. Like seriously, it's just asdflakhdsgljkasdlfjadsf-worthy, y'know? The flow of what's being talked about is just so smooth and the writing style is just kinda like: "Look, bro, this is what's happening and this is why and this is that guy and this is how this chick plays into it" and then it's kinda like you sprinkled just the right amount of description into that and it's like BAM BAM BAM brilliant intro.

Subbed - not sure why I hadn't subbed earlier. :/

Story Review

Layout
I definitely like this layout compared with your summary. It fits perfectly, the photo and icons you've used are lovely. I just definitely get a very city vibe to this and I have to say you've done fabulously with your options.

Content
I really like your first few paragraphs. The short blunt lines. Even the repetitiveness of "they're so famous". It really works with your writing style. I have a feeling that this is going to be a very worthless critique just because I'm enjoying it so much already...but we'll see. Normally the blunt, short sentences wouldn't work but for this type of story it seems to fit quite well. :)

The social scene, it’s a delicate thing. I absolutely love this line. I like that it almost seems to rhyme. You've got this kind of rhyme scheme throughout the piece and it just gives it this very city vibe. I feel like there's a kind of beat in the background to be honest.

I'm really curious as to what this story is going to have to do with power. You seem to mention it a lot, and I'm sitting here just very curious about the main plot of the piece. How will it tie in with your main characters?

Clothes designers I think this should be Clothing designers.

a business which, so contrary should be that instead of which.

In this case, out friend Charles is in a little too deep our friend

I really like that it seems like you've just kind of planned out your characters to their core. I can tell that you actually planned it out rather than just made it up as you went along. Or at least, that's definitely how it seems. If this is just a sort of type as you go story, than you're brilliant lol.

He calls this team the mafia.. I kind of feel if you put a little bit more emphasis on the mafia it'll just stick out more.

Baha, I totally had a feeling that Alexis and Cameron were sleeping together. The second it was mentioned that he was a male, I was like...well, then. I really do like this plot line. It's very different than what you normally read on this website. It actually reminds me of a much more matured Gossip Girl. I've only read the first of those books, never watched the show. But yes, it reminds me of that to be honest

You've got an excellent transition between topics in here as well. Between Charles than Alexis, to Reagan than Ross. It flows perfectly, and the writing style is just so easy to read. Frankly, I don't feel like I have anything constructive to say, other than how much I enjoy this and how I'll be subscribing.

Interesting I'm curious to see where this leads too. Your writing style really flows here. I can't point out any improvements because there is only one chapter and usually I nEed several to see for consistent mistakes. But keep writing this and you just gained a subscriber

I'll start with a little editing because it's your NaNo/JulNo so I know how important it is. In paragraph seventeen, first sentence, you wrote "out" when you meant "our". As far as I could see, that was it. =)

Now, on to the fun stuff. That was more captivating than I expected. It was a perfect set up for a story of conniving little evil beings. It's like you're giving us insight to all the dirty things no one wants to admit comes with money. I can feel everyone's personalities well, and that's very, very important in a good story, especially one like this where there are quite a few characters to keep up with, so great job on that.
Ross and Reagan are messed up. I love it. You're capturing their messed-up-ness flawlessly. You aren't overdoing it, you aren't underdoing it.
Between the lines, I'm reading that Ross and Reagan are going to attack Mr. CEO and his Not-Wife? That's what I'm getting from this prologue. That'd be wicked awesome. But if not, well that'd still be awesome.
I must admit that it'd be fun to watch them fall. Maybe if they hit the ground hard enough they'll soften up a little.
Beautiful layout, fits the story well.

The not-so-fun-but-necessary part: what you could improve.
The way some things were worded was confusing. For example, in paragraph 4, you said "At the top, there’s this complex between people." That could have even been a grammatical error for all I know but if it's not I reccommend changing it.
That's all I can think of for this section though. You're doing a wonderful job on this story and it is well worth the time it takes to read, lengthy or not.

Oh, and I miss you guys, Allison. Haha, thought I'd mention that. =)

I really like the layout, it's really pretty and the background, colours and banner and icon really work well together!

I love the fact that this story is set in NYC, that's easily the best city in the world in my opinion. :D I really like how you talk about the social hierarchy in NYC, that's exactly the sort of types I imagine living there. CEO of companies, artistic indie Broadway types and models that would do anything to make themselves look thin and lovely. You've really captured Ross and Reagan's personality well, you could just imagine them rising to the top through gossip scandals, blackmail and not-so-legal things. But damn, that's a good prologue, it really sets the sort of atmosphere of your story, I think I'll subscribe :)

Oh my gods.
Allison, this is incredible.
Like... loss for words, really.
Though,
"Theater types, you know."
Damn right I know xD
And the ending line... FJOIEQFJAF

...I'm gonna stop before I make a complete fool of myself.

asdfghjkl; This story seems like it will be amazing.