Fucking Hideous - Comments

Sigh. Dude, You are the only person I know that actively writes hockey Slash, and I love you for it. I've tried, but mine normally suck. This one was so sweet and touching. Please keep up the awesome work!!

I love you for your daringness and boldness in writing this. Bravo!

The dark theme of it was very personally, mostly because (I think) everyone has had that feeling or something like it once in their life or know someone who has. And the "self-sacrificing" thing Jokinen had going where he'd rather be a jerk to Luka than have him think lowly of him is so romantically tragic it warms the heart.

Speaking of Luka, I really like how it's the equipment techie. I was sorta expecting some random fellow or another player, but part of the staff was something new. And Luka is quite a character! Early on in the first chapter he was a bit of a comic relief where he'd say some things and then go on about how he wasn't literal about it and he sorta just rambled. He was quite cute, actually. Then further on you discover that he is nearly exactly the same as Jokinen in terms of emotions and thoughts about the other. And then he gave that 'hope at the end of the tunnel' feeling that's just so nice to feel every once in a while.

Little technical problem: some contraction words are missing their apostrophes. Most of them are good and there, but I commonly found them on the can't's and won't's. There are also a couple of spelling errors, but there's only, like, one or two.
I overlooked some of your sentence fragments because I thought they overall enhanced the point being made. But some could've used a semi-colon in replace of a period or comma.

It was pretty neat to read the story in present tense. It flowed quite well, but it was a little foreign for me to read. I quite enjoyed it though! ^_^

I really enjoyed how the picture had an actual scene than just provide inspiration. And it helped Jokinen and Luka get closer!

The second chapter was very nice. It was a compliment and a contrast to the first and would put a smile on people's faces when they see how dark of a place Jokinen came from to this cheerier place where he's accepted despite all his pain. And it was raunchy with an air of ambiguity; y'know what's happening, but you aren't out-right told.

Bravo and thank you for joining and submitting (again)! Good luck!!