Lyrical Soul - Comments

The layout and the summary were perfect for the feeling of the story, and that's really important. A layout and summary need to set the mood before the reader even clicks on the chapter, and you've done that.

Right away, I didn't like the female character. I thought she was full of herself, for thinking she had a lyrical soul. As I read on, I liked them a lot better. You described everything that was happening with good language and I could easily picture it and get into it.

Also, no grammar mistakes that I could see, which is a win. Great job.

I'm not even going to lie, I love this.
The layout was so cozy. I don't know if I'm saying what I'm trying to say there but it kind of makes you want to read the story.
I really like that the picture fits with the story and I like that you incorporate the title Lyrical Soul a lot.
I like the idea of the story. Just a small town nobody with dreams and goals and all of a sudden this famous musician comes up to her wants to help her fufill her dreams.
My absolute favorite part was the ending. I really like that you played out their entire future in a few sentences and then went right back to the present.
You are obviously a very talented writer, I'll be reading your stories. :)

The layout is really cute(:
And a lyrical soul belongs with another lyrical soul.
I love this line, it's really cute(:
You did a good job (:

I felt cozy when you were describing the coffee shop scene, and I almost felt a blush creep up my own face when I was reading that part you were describing. It was an adorable one-shot, and you are very correct in that it's a strong piece. Oasis is a wonderful group, I've not seen too many fanfics about them, and this is the first one that I've read. It's incredibly well-written, and I adore it. I've no complaints.

Tehehe I loved it (:
I just remembered I forgot to comment on this one a while back, and when I read it again it still had the magic! Cheers, mate, you're awesome! :D

I love Oasis! I never thought I'd come across an Oasis fanfic before! This makes me happy in a way. :]

The first paragraph gave me a clear picture of what Melodey was like. The way you described her was something I've never come across before (you're story is so full of firsts for me!).

In the first few paragraphs, without directly telling me, you made me know the setting. I really admire people who do that. The subtle hints such as the pence being dropped into the shoebox, the way Melodey talks... I applaud you! Then I saw the next paragraph, but I love guessing the setting and being right.

I'm not entirely sure how to describe this story. As I read along, I almost felt as if it was... Fragile in a sense. Everything was carefully crafted from the speech quirks to the cafe. It was balanced in a way. You could tell that you thought everything out and researched well. If you added anything more, I don't think it would have been as great as it was. This was really a beautiful piece of writing!

Like a lot of people above, I don't know who Andy Bell is, but I have heard some of Oasis's stuff. Can't say that I've heard a song by them that I didn't like, so I figured I'd check this out. =)

Honestly, this was brilliant! Though it is different from most of the other stuff I've read by you, I think it's a good different. I mean, I'm all for experimentation, and I think this is spot-on.

The things that stuck out the most to me was how well you knew everything that you were writing about: characters, setting, music scene. It was really refreshing to see someone who did their research or is just passionate about what they're writing about (probably both), and I could tell that from reading this. I also loved your descriptions. They were beautiful, but not cliche or overused, and I really enjoyed that.

The layout pulled me in. I love the banner at the top—hot tea, for the win! Also, I like the colors. The really soft pink and neutral tones made it soft and sweet and really easy on the eyes.

I really like how you named her Melodey and then you talked about lyrics…that was on purpose, right?

Everyone around her saw her as failing; slowly drifting off that set course everyone needed to follow.
Makes me think of a sail boat drifting along on the ocean…it’s calming.

Both of them believed in fate, in karma, in destiny, and in optimism
I like that mentality. <3

Her voice cracked and she began coughing, a hacking sort of wheeze, and he walked up to her, placing a hand in the center of her back.
Aw! I admit—that kind of made me smile and laugh because it’s sort of embarrassing, but still. Poor girl :(

Her slang made him chuckle, and his laughter made her smile.
Maybe this is me just reading way too deeply into something, but I like the balance that you’ve created here. With her being rougher and him being more clean cut, you’ve separated them, but by adding in that line, you connect them and make them seem more in tune.

She admired Andy’s thin, long, spider-like fingers that seemed to wrap around the mug more than once.
I know those fingers. I always make fun of my friends for having ‘piano hands’ as I call them. <3

I think you did an amazing job writing in the dialect. There’s so much detail and precision there—I would never be able to do it and I’m amazed at how fluent and natural you made it (you’re an American, right?)

Anyways, you think you’re bad at descriptions? Honey, I loved this! The scene felt so real and comforting. It was calm and relaxed. I felt like I could just step into the café and sit at the table next to them.

I love your writing—you’re amazing. <3

I'll admit, I have no idea who Andy Bell is, but still, it was more fun to see how you portrayed this person who is mysterious to me.

I love that each of the characters had their own story, instead of just going straight to the whole lovey dovey thing, I got to find out how the characters think, and what their lives were like. *applauds you*

The last line made me smile like a blubbering idiot, it was just too cute. This whole story was absolutely lovely!

I feel like such a lame-o for not reading this lovely piece earlier.<3
It's just super amazing. (:
I love how sweet this guy is, and I love how tough, yet, kind the girl is.
It broke my heart when she was coughing from being outside in the cold.
But the end totally glued all those tiny heart pieces back together.(:

This is amazing, and I really and truly adore this.(: <3

I'll be completely honest; it really wasn't my kind of story. Don't get me wrong, though, it was sweet. I don't know, I would've liked it better if she had no idea who he was. I do think she agreed to go with him too easily - I guess it's fine because she knew who he was.

The description - everything - was perfect. The actual story (plot) just seemed to be missing, though. Don't be discouraged, really; You did, after all, mention you were trying out a new writing style.

Holy cow! :D This was amazing, cute and so adorable!

I loved the idea, the detail, the characters.

The detail was very great but not too much which mad it perfect. Little grammatical mistakes. Characters grew together for just a small short scene and they were so cute! I loved it :)

Mibba's Sexiest Man/Woman Contest! Judging

Layout
I love that you made your layout look not only nice but I could read it. That has to be my favorite thing right now. Nice soft colors--easy to read. Decently sized font. Good job on that. I also liked the photo/banner.

Grammar
His spindly fingers worked their magic over guitar strings as he fingerpicked out lovely melodies. I think that 'fingerpicked' should be two words. 'finger picked'.

Andy stood and watched her for a moment, seeing her sing her heart out as people threw whatever spare change they had – a few pence, at most – into an open shoebox at her feet. semicolon after moment.

Melodey was slightly in awe of the celebrity that sat across from her at the table, while Andy was entranced by the poor woman who had enchanted him. This is worded awkwardly. I think that is should maybe be--the poor woman who had enchanted him entranced Andy? I don't know, that's what my spell check told me while I was going through it lol.

I didn't notice any other grammatical errors whilst reading through myself.

Content
So while I'm familiar with Oasis I'm not familiar with the names of the members. Is Andy Bell their singer? --I really enjoyed this. The repetition of lyrical soul was lovely. As well as your knowledge for all of the English accents and the way you wrote out their accents was also another plus. I could imagine their voices. I also adore the way you spelled Melodey's name. I've never seen it spelled out like that. I'm also severely impressed with your knowledge of this band--the label they're signed on with and the name of the labels owner. That's really impressive. This may sound like a stupid question but is this true? Like--Melodey is a real person? It just sounds legit to me and I feel like it would happen. >.<

Either way, very lovely job. Thank you for the entry.

This was cliche, but not in the bad way. In the best way possible. I loved that her name fit her personality. I love it when people do stuff like that.

I also really dug the repetition of that one line. That was epic.The whole thing just flowed really well. You did an excellent job.

Your writing is pretty good but the plot is way too fanciful for me. Having said that, I thought that this line was very sweet "Melodey was slightly in awe of the celebrity that sat across from her at the table, while Andy was entranced by the poor woman who had enchanted him". It reads like a fairy tale, I don't know if that's what you were going for.

You got their language just about right, which is high praise from an English girl, especially one who actually lives in Oxford =)

A couple of criticisms would be why would Andy Bell wonder why a street performer was hungry? Also, I really don't think he would question her views on luxury. It would be an incredibly insensitive thing to say to someone who may live on the streets, probably not something a songwriter would say, they tend to be more intune with other people's emotions.

I think you did a good job, hope you do well in your contest =)

I adored this. Oasis is one of my favorite bands!!

I love your description and they way everything seems to flow so easily together. I love your choice of words, too. They're so very different, but in a good way.You seem to repeat Andy's name a lot, but I have the same problem so it wasn't a huge issue.

Another thing I love is the way you write the dialog. It makes me feel as if I'm hearing someone from England talk, and I love it to pieces. I also liked how you used the title of the story within the story. I don't know why, I've just always liked that.

All in all, amazing job. You have a lot of talent. =D

I really liked this. :)

I have no idea who Andy Bell is, but from the descriptions you put into this I could imagine him well.

The layout and banner were super pretty, and I also really liked the lyrics on the summary.

Your details were amazing, and how you put all of that emotion and information in such a tiny amount of words was very good.

I feel like sometimes it was a bit rushed. Also, in this phrase,Ride had attracted a rather large following, and his long, tangled, golden hair fell into his eyes as his soft, rich voice sang the romantic lyrics he’d penned It was like you talked about to different things, the band, I'm supposing and his hair and music. Maybe separate the two?

Either way, you did a great job on this. <3 :)
Good luck with your contest.